Accidental Consequences
by greenstuff2
Summary: Life After Sasha
1. Chapter 1

She hadn't been altogether sure about doing the gig in the first place, especially at such short notice. It was Saturday for fuck sake, and Charles was home and anyway she was always dead busy with family stuff on Saturdays, the girls went to ballet and Marcus often did stuff with his little mate, but then when the turd in the hairy jumper had called to offer her the shift, she'd almost snatched his hand off. Even though she hated him with a passion she was trying everything she could think of to get in his good books, well, short of flashing her tits at him. She was desperate to get back in as a permanent member of the team, although not that desperate, she would never be that desperate, but Charles had been getting up her nose a bit recently, alright maybe not his fault, not entirely, but all that shit with fucking Sasha had somehow made it even more important that she had a proper job. She knew underneath that it wasn't his fault. Not really, not all of it anyway, but was absolutely bloody determined that she wasn't going to be just Mrs Boss any more, the wife at home with the kids. She needed something else in her life, because you never ever knew what was round the corner just waiting for you.

She'd never really seriously considered turning the gig down, but had to admit that in the back of head somewhere she had these private niggling little doubts about the number of last-minute jobs that were coming her way. It was beginning to look a bit like the little prick was just using her when everyone else had already told him to do one which was worrying her a bit, everyone had to do some last minute stuff, it went with the job, but it was making her think he'd got no bleeding intentions of ever putting her back on the permanent roster. It probably suited him to have things the way they were.

And now it seemed like it hadn't even been worth it. The job had only lasted a couple of hours start to bloody finish and had been just standing around _in case _although in case of what she wasn't sure, but being bored shitless and freezing cold with feet that had turned to blocks of ice wasn't much of a way to spend a Saturday. And it wasn't even going to pay her enough to make driving all the way to Weymouth worth the bloody effort, the time or the petrol. She had a bit of a headache and a bit of an upset stomach so that all the way home she'd been dreaming of a hot drink and maybe a bit of cake but definitely getting her shoes off and now that she was there, she'd walked into a disaster area.

"Daddy lost him .."

"Lost him? Lost who? Come on Mills what's up? ... Deep breath and blow your nose … there's a good girl .. I can't understand you when you're making all that racket"

Millie was sobbing loudly, but as soon as Molly picked her up from her prone position on the kitchen floor she produced another absolute storm of excruciatingly loud sobs and wiped her snotty nose on her mother's neck before she buried her hot, damp little head into it. She was the absolute picture of abject misery. But Molly couldn't understand more than one word in three of what was obviously a terrible tale of tragedy and woe, there were wracking sobs accompanied by huge shuddering sighs and a whole lot of loud snotty sniffing which made it impossible for her to work out precisely what had been going on. After a couple of minutes of stroking Millie's shuddering back she gave up trying and raised her eyebrows at him instead. Millie was being her usual complete bloody drama queen so Molly knew it could well have been something and nothing but when she saw the expression on his face and the way he bit at his lip and then rubbed his hand over his hair before he looked down at the floor she knew that something definitely wasn't good. She was filled with a mounting sense of horror as she stared at him.

"What?"

"We seem to have a bit of a problem ... it seems we've _mislaid _Mr Fuddley somewhere"

"What? How do you mean _mislaid_? He's in the bloody 'ouse somewhere, right?" Molly shook Millie gently "Come on mate, we'll find him, I'll help you look, where did you last 'ave him, he can't be far away" Suddenly she had this horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach of approaching doom as Charles shook his head and bit at the corner of his lip again "Shit, Charles ... you're bleeding kidding me … you're joking right ... where is the b… blessed thing?"

"I know, I know you told me not to let her take it but I didn't know I had to frisk her before we left the house" Charles ran his fingers through his hair again "I told her you said she couldn't, so I didn't even know she'd got the bloody thing with her let alone where it is now"

Molly peeled Millie off her neck to see if she could get her to calm down enough to give some sort of clue where the sodding thing might have ended up, but then shook her head as Millie peeled away and tore down the hall to fling herself into the sitting room. Wailing even louder. Molly knew she wasn't being very fair blaming him because she hadn't actually told him he had to check her back-pack and pockets before they went, but that didn't stop her glaring at him like it was all his fault and narrowing her eyes as she did it. Christ this was all she bloody needed after the sort of day she'd had and he really should have known, it wasn't like he didn't know what a devious little mare Millie could be when it suited her. It wasn't like he hadn't been told that he had to make sure, he knew the rules as well as she did. The bloody thing didn't leave the house no matter how much fuss Millie was making. Why did he always find it so hard to say no to her and stick to it?

"Did you ask her where she left it?"

"Of course I bloody did, what do you take me for? She says she doesn't know .. and that it's all my fault for some reason ..."

"Yeah well, she's bleeding fond of that when she's done something she knows she shouldn't of"

Charles shook his head slowly from side to side "And we'd already had a fairly spectacular display when I didn't take the right tights ... sorry, I forgot what you said about the pink ones on the rack, but there were these perfectly good ones and I didn't know her legs won't work if she has to wear black ... god, she's hard work ..."

"You don't say ..."

Molly was torn between being livid with him for being surprised and wondering if he ever bloody listened when she told him just how difficult Millie could be sometimes and wanting to say 'see, told you so'. Her warnings seemed to have sailed straight over his head, she was beginning to think that what she said went in one ear and out the other. But at the same time she couldn't help this little nugget of guilt, that it might just have been a tiny little bit her fault because she'd decided to let him bloody get on with it when he'd got all arsey and insisted he could manage. She hadn't been exactly helpful, but it was his own fault because he'd treated her to his best Captain Stern and had got all bloody offended, had accused her of thinking he wasn't capable of looking after the girls and dropping Marcus off for his sleep-over without fucking it up. He'd snarled at her that they were his kids too, and had then practically frog marched her out the door when she'd said she was in two minds about whether or not to even go. She'd then got just a tiny bit arsey herself and had stormed off and left him to it.

And now he was saying he'd managed to lose the bloody god-awful knitted thing that Millie had to have or she wouldn't go to bed. The 2 section lads had given it her when she was very, very tiny, someone they knew had knitted this _thing_ which Fingers had said was supposed to be some sort of animal, although Molly defied anyone to say what sort it was supposed to be. But Millie didn't care. She'd adored it right from the start and had never been to bed without it, and it didn't matter to her that it had been sucked, peed on, puked on and was bloody unhygienic, that it had been washed so many times it was just about falling to bits and that Molly had had to do major surgery on it to stitch its head and leg back on more than once. None of that mattered in the slightest to Millie. Charles had christened it Mr Fuddley after Chloe had heard him call it a fucking ugly thing when he'd been laughing and holding it up by its tail, which he'd said was its dick, and had been asking loudly what the fuck it was supposed to be. He'd had to do a bit of very quick thinking to change it to Mr Fuddley which had stuck and Millie had been nagging and badgering to be allowed to take it to ballet with her for weeks. She'd kept insisting that it needed to see her do her dance. Molly had been equally insistent that there was no way. She wasn't going to let her take the bloody thing anywhere out of the house in case it got lost, which to her dismay was exactly what seemed to have happened the minute her back had been turned.

"I was just waiting for you to get back ... I'll go back and look for the bloody thing" Charles ran a hand over his head and then ran it down to stroke the stubble on his chin "It has to be there somewhere because we didn't go anywhere else and I've already checked the car... I tried ringing them but the only number I could find was for booking the bloody place … I'm sorry Moll, I really didn't see it, I think she must have put it under her coat, but I should have paid a bit more attention shouldn't I?"

"Yeah you bloody should of ... 'n yeah, think you might gonna 'ave to go back ... but, you know, she bloody knew she weren't allowed ... I told her over and over ... and then she did it anyway and that's why she hid it ... she's really naugh'y sometimes Charles ... we're gonna 'ave to do something about her"

"I know, just not today eh?" They both stopped and listened as Millie re-doubled her efforts to let the world know that her life would be over and she couldn't possibly live without Mr Fuddley and heard the soft mumble as Chloe said something to her. Neither of them caught what she said, but whatever it was it didn't seem to go down very well as Millie's bawling got louder and more determined.

"She's gonna make herself puke in a minute"

Molly sighed and shook her head as he patted his pockets for his keys and picked up his phone, then dropped a kiss on the top of her head "Yup, fraid so ... I won't be long ... sorry, sorry, sorry"

-OG-

"It's alright for you to laugh, I had to crawl under this stack of chairs to get to the back and there was this bloody bunch of women in there doing some sort of exercise class, Jazzercise or something ... honestly Moll, they were at least Nan's age if not older ... definitely old enough to know better but one of them bloody whistled at me and then they all cheered ... and you can stop laughing any time you like"

"Well it is a bit funny ... a load of grannies checking out your bum ... perving on your arse and making you blush ... still, least you got the sodding thing"

"Yup ... and I was not blushing"

"If you say so" Molly giggled at the vivid picture she had of him crawling around the floor under the stacked chairs at the back of the community centre, all embarrassed as a group of middle-aged or elderly women ogled his bum.

"It sounds as though it's gone very quiet there ... have you drugged her or something?"

"Nah ... just tied her up 'n gagged her, before I chucked her in the garage" Molly giggled "She's watching tele with Chloe and I haven't been in cos when she sees me she'll get her second wind 'n start again ... I'll go and tell her you got him ..."

"Lovely ... won't be long"

Molly strapped a surprisingly happy and good-tempered Livvie into her highchair and gave her slices of bread and butter to eat before she could change her mind and start grizzling from hunger and pure bloody-mindedness. She avoided watching as the baby mangled the bread into a pulp and then sucked it through the backs of her fingers, her favoured way to eat and a fairly unlovely thing to watch at the best of times, but it was one which definitely made her feel a bit nauseous again after what had been a long and very difficult day. She was hungry and bloody bone tired and was almost at the point of wanting nothing more than to sit on the floor and cry.

"Where's Millie?"

Chloe didn't bother to answer her mother, just gave a graphic shrug of her shoulders and kept her eyes glued to whatever it was she was watching with her mouth wide open. She didn't even bother to look up as Molly's eyes filled with tears at the way no-one ever seemed to take any notice of her these days. She was wracked with guilt at the thought of Millie crying herself to sleep somewhere when she'd just been relieved and happy that she'd shut up bawling for a bit. What sort of mother was she for fuck sake?

"Chloe ... I'm talking to you …. I asked you something ..."

"I dunno do I? ... Why does everyone always think I know where everyone is ... you're always asking me and I. Don't. Know … Okay?"

"Don't you dare talk to me like that ... "

Molly picked up the remote control and ignored Chloe's protests and then switched the television off. She knew she had absolutely no conviction in her voice, that it had sounded as though she'd said it out of some sort of habit and because she was tired and fed up, which she was, but she was definitely in no mood for any of Chloe's bollocks. Sometimes it was frightening how much Chloe reminded her of herself when she'd been a bolshie bloody teenager, but Chloe was rising ten so god alone knew what she was going to be like when she actually was in her teens "And you can go upstairs for me 'n tell her to come down, tell her Daddy has found Mr Fuddley"

"Why me… why do I always have to do stuff?" Chloe huffed "'n I was watching that…"

"Tough …. Because I asked you ..." Molly could hear Belinda's voice coming out of her mouth "Just do it and stop bleeding arguing with me will you? ... Just go, there's a good girl and while you're up there put your head round Sam's door 'n all, tell him it's nearly teatime"

Molly turned to go back in the kitchen to see to Livvie, and tell herself that there was just tea, bath and bed to get through and then she could curl up on the sofa in front of the fire. She was so bloody tired she'd have to be careful she didn't fall asleep and end up snoring with her mouth open and probably dribbling, she wanted to savour that feeling when she could put her head on her pillow and stretch out in bed and could then snuggle down because today would finally be finished.

"She's not there"

"What do you mean, she's not there? Well, where is she then?"

"Don't ask me, I dunno do I?"

"Chloe?"

To Molly's ears Chloe sounded even more truculent and arsey than she had before she'd gone stamping up the stairs to do as she was told with very bad grace, something else Molly knew all about. She also knew from looking at her that Chloe was hiding something as she stood in front of her with defiance written all over her and refusing to meet her mother's eyes.

"She's not there ... I said didn't I?"

"Oi ... just hold it right there madam ... come on Chloe, where did you look? Did you look all over? She's gotta be there somewhere"

Molly wasn't worried, she was just generally cross with all of them because Chloe was being as awkward as she knew how and Millie would have heard Chloe stamping up the stairs and would have hidden under a bed or something.

"Look, just watch Livvie for a sec while I go and look for her"

"I'm sorry Mummy..."

"Sorry 'bout what?"

"She wouldn't shut up and ... I was trying to listen and I couldn't hear … so I told her stuff …"

"What?"

"I told her to go if that was what she wanted ... but she hasn't, has she?"

"Hasn't what? Gone where? Come on Chlo, what?"

"She said no-one cared so she was going to go and look for Mr Fuddley herself and then she said that no-one cared about her and that she was going to run away ... she was going to take Patchey and go ... and ... I said ... I told her to go on then, that I didn't care" Chloe was struggling with tears and with the guilty knowledge that she'd said a whole lot more in the heat of the moment, things she now wished she hadn't but that she certainly wasn't about to tell Molly "Said I'm sorry"

"Shit ... watch Livvie while I go and look for her"

Millie's wellington boots were missing and her school coat wasn't on the hook and there was no sign of her backpack although Patches' lead was still hanging there as Molly began to shout at the top of her voice up the stairs. She knew Millie was hiding somewhere in the house to teach them a lesson, it would be just like her although there was no sign of the dog coming running when she started to yell. But she was more annoyed than worried. It was pitch dark outside as well as cold and wet and there was no way Millie would be out there in the dark on her own, not even with Patches to keep her company. She was scared of the dark so even if she had gone off in a strop she would have come back in by now, she had to be in the house somewhere.

-OG-

By the time the headlights from his car swept over the front of the house it was obvious to him that there was something fairly chaotic going on. Despite the driving rain and the bitterly cold wind the front door was wide open and every light in the house was burning as Molly stood outside in the porch without a coat, shivering and shouting herself hoarse. Sam who'd searched everywhere he could think of in the house, was also shouting as he began searching outside, while Chloe was still in the kitchen watching Livvie and crying her eyes out. She knew she was in trouble, so was feeling very sorry for herself as well as dead guilty that she'd told her stupid little sister that no-one cared if she ran away. She'd told her that no-one cared because of all the bawling she did, that she was always crying and carrying on about something and that it was a stupid noise and that they were all sick of it and sick of her and that no-one cared about that grotty, smelly, horrible ugly thing that she loved so much. And no-one cared that it was lost. She'd been a bit fed up because everything in the house always seemed to be about Millie. Not that she'd told Molly any of that, she just wished more than anything that she hadn't said any of it now because everyone was making so much fuss, and she was a bit worried that maybe something had happened to her. But Millie had been getting on her nerves. And now Livvie had joined in and was crying and flinging herself backwards and forwards in her highchair and Chloe wanted to call her mum and tell her that the baby was crying but could hear that Molly was still outside. She was yelling at the top of her voice for Millie to come out from wherever she was hiding straight away and to get her arse back in the house right that minute, but Chloe was scared. She could hear from the way her mum sounded that she was losing it. Chloe was getting scared that Millie really had done what she'd said and gone.

"What the hell is going on?"

Charles looked around and then at Molly who was trying very hard not to give into the wave of panic that was making her stomach churn with fear. It was making her feel as if she was actually going to throw up any second.

"Moll? What's wrong …what's going on?"

"It's Millie … we can't find 'er anywhere"

"What do you mean, you can't find her? She's hiding somewhere … come on" He put an arm round her and started rubbing his hands up and down her arms "You're bloody freezing … where's your coat?"

"Never mind about that … she told Chloe she was gonna run away 'n she has 'n she's taken the bloody dog with her … can't find either of them anywhere"

"Hey, hey … she won't have run away, where would she go? She'll be in the house somewhere you'll see … and anyway it's dark .. she wouldn't have gone far …"

"Sam's already looked …. she's not in the 'ouse, he's looked everywhere … and I've been yelling for ages … I don't know where she is"

"Hey, don't cry …"

"I'm not …"

Molly wiped her hand over her face and then burst into a flood of furious tears, a mixture of worry and fear and panic and pure bloody anger at Millie's stubborn determination to always have the last word.

-OG-

_**A/N: It's a very long time since I was last at the Barn, but as promised am back there … had intended to post under the Unforeseen heading but then decided to start it as a fresh story even though it does follow on …I do hope you enjoy being there with me … please let me know and my endless thanks go to flossy for her unending patience and support, especially when I am having a bit of a nervous collapse, in other words when I'm being a compete nutjob ..x **_


	2. Chapter 2

"Millie …. Come on … be a good girl … out you come …its nearly tea time and Mr Fuddley is down here"

He stood at the bottom of the stairs and listened intently but all he could hear was a resounding silence, and a tiny niggle of doubt started to build in Charles' chest. They should have found her by now. It was hard to accept what Molly had said about Sam having looked everywhere, Millie had to be there somewhere, she wouldn't have gone outside. She would never have wandered off by herself, not even if she was in a strop about something or if she had the dog with her, not when she was so afraid of the dark. She always clung to him like a little limpet whenever they were outside and it was dark or even starting to get dark. He retraced his steps along the hall and when into the kitchen where Chloe and the baby both turned to look at him. They were both crying.

"Come on Chlo …. come here … look at me, come on .. I need you to look at me …"

They were both still crying their eyes out as he crouched down in front of her and took hold of the tops of her arms and then shook her gently before he let go of one and stroked her hair back from her damp little face. She had been a very stroppy little madam recently, had got very good at answering back and making smartarsed comments, especially to her mum, and had become an expert at rolling her eyes. Molly had complained a lot about her propensity to hero worship Sam, especially when he was behaving really badly and no-one could fail to notice just how often she clashed with her mum these days, but as she stood in front of him she suddenly looked like the little girl she undoubtedly still was. A distraught little girl. He ran his thumbs over her cheeks to wipe away the tears and ignored the Niagara Falls of snot as Chloe sniffed loudly and then ran her tongue over her top lip. He was doing his best at the same time to block out the screams of pure outrage that were coming from Livvie that he hadn't immediately plucked her out of her highchair when she'd seen him and had stretched out her arms towards him.

"Listen … Chloe … are you listening?" Chloe sniffed hard and nodded her head "Good girl .. I want you to think very, very carefully for me and then tell me whether your sister said anything to you about where she …" He swallowed hard "Where she might have been thinking of going ….. anything at all …."

"I'm sorry Daddy …."

Chloe gulped, she was doing her best to stop crying, but couldn't seem to stop the tears that were overwhelming her. She hadn't even been listening when Millie had been doing her mental act, had been far too busy trying to watch something on television and had made a great big point of turning the sound up as far as it would go. She'd been deliberately trying to drown her out and had then pointedly shoved her to one side because Millie was standing in the way of Chloe being able to see the screen. Chloe had been making it plain she had no intention of trying to look round herm letting her stand in the way and that she wasn't a bit interested in whatever it was that was wrong with her this time. As usual Millie was making some huge great big deal about something. Probably nothing. Like she always did. No-one seemed to notice that it wasn't fair, her mum and dad didn't even notice when Millie was being naughty or was throwing a strop about something, which was all the time. Let alone do anything about it. They just let her get away with everything. Well her dad did. There was just sometimes when her mum did seem to notice, a bit, but it wasn't enough, not nearly as much as she noticed whenever Chloe did something her mum didn't like, then she would get really mad at her. She'd shout and tell her off and tell her to stop whatever it was _or else _and that it was no good her bawling, she could stop that straight away because it wasn't going to make any difference, but she never did any of that with Millie, only with her. She didn't do it with Marcus either, but then he didn't count. He never got in any trouble, not like her, he was _little Mr goody two shoes _who never did anything wrong which was why he was her mum's favourite, just like Millie was her dad's, even their Gran had said so.

"There's no need to be sorry Chlo … it's not your fault … you haven't done anything wrong …. but I do need you to help me out here … have you got any idea at all where she might have gone?"

"Nah ….I don't know Daddy … I really don't … she never said anything"

Chloe was actually telling him the truth, she genuinely couldn't think of a single thing her stroppy little sister had said, well not that she'd heard anyway and neither her nor Millie had any friends near where they lived. Their house was a long way away from where any of their schoolfriends lived, and anyway even though Millie was one of the worst of the show-offs at school and was always part of the gang being a nuisance in the playground, she really didn't have any special friends of her own. She didn't have a best friend, not that Chloe knew of anyway.

"Mummy thinks it's my fault … she said …" Chloe burst into a fresh storm of tears, tears that were a combination of fear and guilt and a massive amount of self-pity. It wasn't her fault, she hadn't meant for any of this to happen "Mummy said it was my fault for being mean to her, but I never meant …. I'm really sorry…. "

"No-one thinks it's your fault Chloe … Mummy is …. just very worried about where Millie's hiding … come here …"

He picked her up and hugged her and then struggled not to immediately put her down in order to obey the little voice in his head that was screaming at him to stop wasting time and get himself upstairs to search for Millie himself, to search properly. He was filled with an urgent need to check, he kept telling himself that maybe Sam hadn't looked carefully in all the nooks and crannies, that he hadn't checked under beds and in the wardrobes, that he might not have actually looked underneath and behind everything. She had to be there somewhere. Millie was bright and could very easily have found somewhere to hide herself away that wasn't obvious to anyone looking for her and she was bloody stubborn so although he'd heard what Molly had said about the dog not coming when she'd called, there was always a chance that the two of them had stayed hidden somewhere. She'd been very tired, it had been a long day and she'd been to ballet and then had one of her tantrums, she could well have found somewhere to hide and was now fast asleep.

He didn't want to even think about the alternative. Something deep in his stomach twisted as the fear started to bite, she was six years old for fuck sake and he didn't know where she was.

He took a deep breath and controlled his impatience as Chloe put her arms round his neck and then felt a huge pang of guilt as he tightened his hold and _hugged _her. He couldn't pinpoint the last time he'd picked up this mini-Molly and hugged her. It wasn't that he didn't love her, he adored her and had always made time to listen when she was telling him anything or needed his help with something, with her homework or a project or when she just wanted to talk to him. And he would laugh and ruffle her hair affectionately, despite the way she invariably ducked her head away from his hand and yelled at him to stop. She seemed so grown up these days that he sometimes forgot that she was still a little girl.

"What you waiting for? Come on you need to get out there with Sam… you gotta go and look for her Charlie … or you can stop here and I'll go …"

There was a rising note of panic in Molly's voice that mirrored his own feelings as she hoicked the baby out of the highchair and started to jiggle her up and down in an absent-minded attempt to stop the bawling that was fraying her already severely frayed nerves.

"Give over Livs, there's a good girl …. sshhhh…. Charlie … come on .. it's been bloody hours ….. we gotta DO something … I'm gonna call the police … she could be anywhere …."

"Okay, I'm going to take another look round upstairs just to make sure …"

"Make sure of what? Sam's already looked and I been calling her for hours … she's not bloody there … we looked everywhere ….…."

Molly gulped and swallowed hard against the rising tide of panic that was stopping her breathing properly, it was gripping her throat in a way that was totally different to anything she'd ever had to deal with in the front line of anything. But it was coupled with the burning need that was building inside her to scream at him that it was all his bloody fault, which even she knew would be unfair to say the least.

"Shit … s'pose someone's taken her? Someone's got her? SHIT … someone might 'ave taken her Charles, come on we gotta DO something … we can't just stand 'ere for fuck sake … "

"Come on Molly, calm down … she's not …."

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down …. Just bloody DO something will you …? You don't know any more than I do …"

"No, I know …. But we both know that she's probably still in the house somewhere don't we? or at least that she's not going to be far away … come on Moll, I'll go and check upstairs and … you phone the police and tell them … see what they have to say …. Okay?"

He knew the minute he got to the top of the stairs that it was an exercise in futility, but knowing it was fucking pointless didn't stop him looking anyway. The silence that greeted him was the sort of absolute silence that tells you there is no-one there. Nothing. But he did his best to shake off the terrible sense of foreboding that was building in the pit of his stomach, or at least to swallow it and subdue the feeling.

"Millie ….. MILLIE …. come on, come on out now, there's a good girl …"

But the silence from the bedrooms remained deafening as he ran from room to room flinging curtains to one side and checking behind them and crouching down to peer under beds, then flinging open wardrobe doors to frantically pull at the clothes that were hanging inside. He was still trying to convince himself that she'd tucked herself away behind something, even though he knew logically that if she and the dog were anywhere nearby he'd have heard Patches by now. Even if Millie was hiding and refusing to _hear _him or was fast asleep somewhere, Patchey would have made his usual little whimpering noises of pleasure as soon as he heard his voice. Or he would have come scrabbling out to find him. Instead there was nothing. Not a sound.

-OG-

"What did they say?"

"They're sending someone … he said they'd be 'ere shortly … stupid sod kept telling me not to worry … I mean … " Molly gulped and took a deep breath "Your phone switched on?"

"Of course and I'll call you if … no, I'll call you just assoon as I find her … find them … and you'll call me if she turns up here … right? Okay?"

"Yeah … take Sam's fleece with you, he 'asn't got a coat … he'll be bloody freezing by now …"

Almost as soon as Charles had vanished into the darkness to begin his search of the fields behind the house with his torch on full beam and yelling her name as loud as he could there was this knock at the front door which had Molly flying to yank it open. For one glorious relief-filled moment she'd thought it was Millie and Patches. Although why the fuck she'd think that Millie would knock at the door, she'd got no idea but she hadn't expected it to be the police, not yet. She'd sort of been listening for a siren, or at the very least had expected them to have their blue lights flashing and twirling in the dark but it was just two very young looking policemen and a girl, well, a woman really, in a suit of some sort. They'd parked their police car next to Charles' on the drive and were now standing huddled under the porch trying not to get soaked. The words of relief that she'd been about to yell at Millie died on her lips.

"Mrs James?"

"Yeah …."

Molly's immediate thought was how the fuck did they hope to search the bloody fields and find her baby when there was only just the two of them and one girl in high heels and no coat. She wasn't going to be much fucking use when the house was in the middle of sodding nowhere. It wasn't east Ham, there weren't any streets and streetlights or corner shops where she could maybe be hanging out, there were just fields and bloody trees and more bloody trees and anyhow it was pitch dark and Millie wouldn't stop out there on her own. Not in the dark. There was no way, not in a million years, so there had to be something that was stopping her from coming home. She had to be hurt or lost or god forbid someone had to have taken her, someone or something was stopping her and they needed a proper search party, not two muppets who didn't like getting wet and a girl wearing silly bloody shoes.

Fifteen minutes later her patience had completely run out. They didn't seem to get it, any of it, question after bloody question so that she was now trying to answer the same bloody questions without losing it. But the girl who seemed to be in charge just kept on asking her all this stuff and then didn't seem to listen to the answers, stupid stuff about why Millie had got herself all upset and whether she often did this sort of thing. Stupid woman had said something about anyone having five kids to look after would sometimes find it hard and had then changed to wanting to know about where Marcus was, and about Sammie and Molly found herself repeating the same things over and over. Then one of the muppets started asking her about what Millie had taken with her in her back pack and she just about lost it, had yelled at him that she'd got no fucking clue and asked him whether he was asking her whether she'd packed it for her. The three of them had exchanged these little looks and had then sort of started asking about Charles, only they kept calling him Millie's dad until Molly suddenly twigged that they were trying to work out whether it was some sort of domestic. That it didn't matter that she'd already said about Charles being outside searching, they suspected that her and Charles had had a big falling out and that maybe he'd taken her. Molly was holding onto her temper by a thread, but there was this little voice in her head keep telling her not to let herself get arsey, that if she went off on one they'd more than likely get the bloody hump and then wouldn't do anything to help. She knew logically that she was being pretty daft, but she couldn't help it. She'd forgotten until now how she didn't trust the police, nothing in her background made her see them as her friends and she'd obviously been right, or rather Dave and the rest of them had been, but she did need their help, and they weren't doing anything that she could see. She wanted to scream at them to stop farting about and get up off of their bums and go and do something useful, go and look for her for fuck sake because they sure as hell weren't going to find her standing in the bloody kitchen asking her the same things over and over again. And then not paying any attention to the answers. The ring on the doorbell didn't get her excited and rushing to open it, not like last time, she bloody knew this time that it wasn't going to be Millie.

"That'll be my colleagues …"

Muppet One nodded at the other one who went to the door and let them in, one of them had a bloody great big Alsation-type dog with him, a dog that looked fierce enough to eat one of them. It was definitely enough to make dog-lover Chloe shrink away and lean against Molly on the side farthest away from it.

"Molly isn't it?" She nodded at the girl who'd just had a chat with the one with the dog "If you'd like to wait here with the children Molly, we'll start with checking the house …. Upstairs first of all lads …."

"But we already done that …"

"Nothing to worry about ….… it's just _routine _ … we need to make sure she's not hiding upstairs … that she's not hiding somewhere and enjoying the fuss …"

"She's not, she wouldn't …."

"You'd be surprised …"

"Yeah …I would .. okay, look … just get on with it will you? … go and do whatever it is you wanna do, go and look everywhere all over again, but you'll be wasting even more bloody time" Molly bit her bottom lip "When you actually gonna do something … start looking for 'er?"

Rationally she knew she was letting her panic and imagination run away with her, but was suddenly convinced that their suspicions about Millie still being in the house somewhere was because they thought her or Charles or both of them had done something to her. It made her itch to chin someone, preferably the smug girl pulling the strings who kept talking down to her in a patronising manner as though she was the one who was six, and a bit dumb. Or if not her then one of the others who were standing around doing sod-all in her kitchen would do just as bloody well. All she wanted was for them to get on with it, to get that bloody dog to sniff at the school jumper that she'd already given them and to take the school photographs that they'd asked for and bloody well do something. Stop standing around talking and start looking for her for fuck sake.

-OG-

"Fuck Moll, I thought for a minute she was back …..…." He'd fumbled his phone almost dropping it in his haste to grab it from the back pocket of his jeans when it started vibrating and had momentarily felt light headed with an overwhelming flood of relief when he saw it was Mollie. Only to find that she hadn't rung to tell him Millie was back.

"And are they still there?"

"Yeah … where else would they be? They're not out there fucking looking for her Charles … they think we've done something to her … I mean they're not saying they think that … they're saying all this shit is just routine but they do, I bloody know they do… I can tell …"

Molly had suddenly felt very much alone, which wasn't entirely a unique feeling for her these days, but this was different. It was the one thing that hadn't occurred to her for a single solitary second, that the police might think they'd done something to hurt Millie.

"Is he there? Let me speak to him …. Do you want me to come back?"

"Nah … someone's gotta keep looking … and they're not doing it are they? 'n it's not an 'him' it's a girl in charge …. 'n they got a bleeding great big dog with them 'n all … but …" Molly had to fight against the now familiar feeling of panic that was again tightening her throat and making her want to yell and bawl and scream "What if she's hurt? … I mean …. what if she's out there somewhere and she's hurt herself … something must 'ave 'appened or she'd be home by now … is Sam with you?"

"He's on the other side checking the hedges … I can hear him shouting …. we will find her Moll …."

"Hang on, bloody Vera wants me …. I'll 'ave to call you back …"

For the second time in a few minutes Charles felt an enormous surge of relief when he saw rather than heard Sam shouting and waving his torch in a way that made it obvious he was desperately trying to attract his attention. He shoved his phone back and began to run across the field on legs that felt like cooked spaghetti towards where Sam was now crouching down by the hedgerow. Charles was nowhere near as sure-footed as he used to be and his calves had started to ache to buggery as he ran, and stumbled in the dark, it seemed to be taking forever to get anywhere as he bitterly regretted no longer being army fit.

But Sam hadn't found her. He'd found a very wet and muddy Patches, or rather the little dog had suddenly come barrelling out of the darkness and was ecstatically happy to have found Sam and now Charles. But of Millie there was absolutely no sign.

-OG-

_**A/N: Thank you to all the people who read and reviewed Chapter 1 – and for your kind comments – I know I've said it before but I really can't do it without you. I was all ready to post this yesterday when Windows 10 was suddenly the subject of a massive update, one that they tell you will take some time when what they actually mean is you can forget about using the blessed thing for hours … and hours … and hours. Once again my huge thanks go to Flossy for her unwavering patience and support. **_

_*** **_For anyone who is not familiar with her, Vera is a female detective wh is not known for her people skills.


	3. Chapter 3

"Dad …? _DAD …"_

"What? …. Sorry Sam…?"

It looked for all the world as if Charles was looking at the dog as he squirmed madly and rolled on his back in the mud, but that he wasn't seeing him at all. He had the expression on his that he used to have so often when he was in the army and there was some _problem _that needed sorting_, _one that only he could fix but that he was utterly determined not to let anyone see just how worried he was. He had never, as far as Sam could remember, let anyone see past that expression, well, not until Molly had come into his life. But Sam was suddenly desperate trying to find something to say that would make his dad feel better.

"It'll be alright Dad … she can't have got very far can she? Not with those little legs of hers …" He tried his best to dredge up a chuckle from somewhere, one that sounded genuine and ended up sounding totally false even to his own ears "And she's not exactly brave is she our Millie? … she's always bugging me to check under her bed for monsters … she won't have gone far"

Sam's only intention had been to try and make it sound as though the situation wasn't anywhere near as bloody dreadful as he knew it was, but now couldn't help wishing that he'd kept his mouth shut. As soon as the words were out he was horribly afraid that he'd just made everything a whole lot worse. He felt impotent and hated it.

"Yup …" Charles gulped and nodded and then made an almost visible effort to pull himself together "Indeed … she … yep you're right Sam, she hates the dark … and of course she won't have gone far … it'll be fine …. Come on .. we need to crack on …."

"Is Moll okay?"

"Yup …. the police are there with her now" Charles wiped a hand over his wet hair "Well … no, not really, she …. she thinks …. she's afraid someone's taken her …"

"Oh shit …. " Sam stopped speaking for a second and raised his eyebrows before he looked over to where he could just about catch the odd glimpse of a car headlights through the rain, but the nearest road was a fair old distance from their house. It was much further surely than Millie could walk. Especially in the dark. And in pouring rain that was almost horizontal "How? I mean, who would …. there's no road near …. I mean … you don't think she could be right, do you? Molly I mean …" He swallowed "Is that what you think as well?"

"Honestly? No …" Charles gulped and shook his head, not entirely sure what he was thinking anymore. Even considering the possibility that someone had taken her was enough to make his blood run cold, but the longer Millie was missing the more the tentacles of that fear were taking root "No, no of course I don't … but we do need to crack on and look for her Sam … she has to be around here somewhere for fuck sake" He wasn't sure who he was trying to reassure as he bent down and held onto the Patches' collar while the dog twisted his head and frantically tried to lick him "Have you got anything we can use as a lead …I don't want this one to find his way home on his own … Molly will have a bloody fit …"

He looked at the dog who was obviously deeply thrilled to have found them and was still doing his best to squirm against Sam's legs, but had quickly given up trying to lick Charles' hand, he was obviously somewhat less than thrilled to have anyone holding onto his collar and was trying to jerk his head away.

"Finally …. looks like the cavalry have arrived …" Sam prodded at Charles' arm and pointed in the direction of the torches he could see shining and bobbing about in the steady rain as the police appeared to fan out and begin the search of the fields immediately behind the house "But … Dad … we've already looked there … we need to go and tell them they're wasting time … here, you hold Patches … I'll go .."

"No … let them to get on with it, Sam, it can't hurt … and it might help … we might have missed something…"

"But …" Sam saw that the shutters had come down over his father's expression and knew there was very little point in pursuing it, that once his dad had retreated behind that stern mask of his there wasn't much that could change his mind. But Charles was clutching at straws and knew it, realistically there was no way in hell that he and Sam had somehow missed her when they'd been searching the immediate vicinity of the house. But, he took a deep breath, they weren't going to find her like this either, not standing around trying to think what to use for a fucking lead for the dog, and the more Sam stamped his feet and rubbed his hands together in an obvious attempt to get his circulation going, the more Charles could feel just how bloody cold he was. He was fucking frozen, could barely feel his hands and feet, and his eyes and nose were watering from it, so it didn't bear thinking about how cold his Millie would be, especially if she was lying on the ground somewhere. If she was hurt. He swallowed the bubble of fear that was once again rising into his throat and pulled the belt out of his jeans to fasten through Patch's collar and said a silent prayer that his jeans wouldn't fall down. He was holding on by a thread to his conviction that nothing had happened to his baby, that she was just lost or hiding or was asleep somewhere or something, but he also desperately needed to know that Molly was okay. He knew that there was something wrong, that something had been troubling her recently even before all this shit with Millie, well he could hardly have missed it, and wished now that he hadn't had quite such a short fuse with her when she'd left the house to go to Weymouth. And now this. He wanted to hear her voice, would give anything to talk to her but knew she'd be desperately waiting out for him to call and tell her that he'd found Millie, that he'd got her and he hadn't. He'd got nothing to tell her and couldn't possibly tell her that Patches had appeared out of the dark and was there with them, because of what that meant. Knowing that Millie was now totally on her own somewhere out there and that they didn't know where she was would totally freak her out. As much as it was doing to him.

-OG-

"What time is it?"

"Sorry?"

"The time?" She bit back the angry retort that was on the tip of her tongue, she wanted to yell 'What you bleeding deaf or something?' but then managed to stick with "What is it?" and a nod in the direction of his wrist watch instead.

"Just after six …"

"You sure …?"

Molly pushed the half empty cup of stewed tea away to one side, she had bloody tea coming out of her ears and knew without any shadow of a doubt that if she swallowed even one more mouthful she'd puke.

"Ummm … yes ….it's five past six … why?"

"It feels like sodding midnight that's why …." She took a deep shuddering breath "It's more than two hours now innit since …. two hours with everyone looking, I mean, why the fuck haven't they found her? She's not there is she?"

It felt like forever since the search party had left the house and taken the dog with them, leaving her powerless to do anything except sit on her arse at the kitchen table and watch the time tick away while she waited for someone to tell her something. When they'd gone off to search they'd left this very young policeman with her who looked to her as if he was about eleven and whose major skill seemed to be making bloody horrible tea and rubbing his hands together while he said nothing very much. She didn't know why she was asking him to tell her things he couldn't possibly know, in fact she didn't know what she expected him to say exactly, because if one more person told her _not to worr_y she would more than likely kill them.

At long last Livvie had given over being a bloody pain and had gone off to sleep and Chloe was curled up on the chair in the corner of the kitchen doing something on her dad's iPad, and saying nothing at all. Molly knew that if she was any kind of mum she wouldn't let her do it, because he'd go apeshit and she should try and say something to her, try and make her feel better, but couldn't think of anything except that they were bound to find Millie soon and she wasn't sure Chloe still believed that anymore than she did.

She'd spent what felt like half a fucking lifetime trying to keep from panicking and instead had been playacting being all brave and had been pretending that everything was normal and fine so that Livvie wouldn't think there was something going on. But even by her standards it had been a pretty crap act and trying to act as if all the people searching the house and their bloody dog were just that, people, and that there was nothing at all to get upset and worried about hadn't fooled anyone, least of all Livvie. She knew there was something shit going on so had grizzled and whinged almost continuously, which had earned her all these irritated looks and a load of tutting from the detective woman who obviously had no experience of babies. Either that or all the ones she'd come across had been sprinkled with angel dust. Or drugged. She seemed to think that Molly should be able to just shut her up. And Chloe being like a silent little ghost wasn't exactly helping, it all added to Molly's fear that whatsherface, the detective woman who had introduced herself, but whose name she'd almost immediately forgotten, the one she'd called Vera, would be even more convinced than she already was that she was a totally crap mum. The sort of mother whose six-year old little girl ran away from home in the dark when it was pissing down. That's if she'd stopped thinking that Molly or Charles, or probably both of them had done away with her. Molly had kept trying to tell herself that it hadn't been that long, it just felt like it and that Millie was bound to be home soon, safe and sound, it was teatime and bath time and nearly bedtime, so she was going to be getting hungry by now.

But then the woman had thankfully fucked off somewhere. She hadn't joined in the search, that much Molly did know, well she wasn't exactly dressed for it for a start not wearing those bloody stupid high heeled shoes, although why she kept thinking about her fucking shoes which didn't matter one little bit, Molly had got no idea. All she did know was that she neither knew nor cared where she'd actually gone. The young copper who'd been left behind to look after her and the kids kept smiling tentatively at her every time he caught her eye, even if the expression on his face said that he'd prefer to be just about anywhere else in the entire world. He didn't seem to know what the fuck to say. He looked like a lot of the clueless young squaddies she'd come across in the past who, when they were suddenly faced with something real, found it wasn't a bit like being on training. As far as Molly was concerned he was worse than fucking useless sitting there and would actually be far better employed out there looking for Millie, she couldn't for the life of her think why he was even still sitting there.

-OG-

Charles' first glimpse was a flash of something bright yellow over on the far side of the field, a glimpse of something on the ground under one of the trees caught his eye and seemed to stop his heart. Millie had been wearing her bright yellow wellington boots. They were a little bit on the small side for her but she loved them and wouldn't be parted from them and Molly hadn't been able to find any new ones in her size. But as he narrowed his eyes and tried to focus on what he thought he could see, he could also see that there was nothing moving at all, which told him that if it was her she was lying completely still on the cold wet ground. Something that filled him with a terrifying certainty that his worst nightmare was about to come true.

He threw the improvised dog lead at Sam and without saying a word took off across the field as fast as his legs would carry him, which wasn't anywhere near fast enough for him as he stumbled over the rough surface of the grass.

"Millie ….. oh fuck ….… Millie …..… MILLIE"

"Daddy…."

As soon as he got close enough to hear the querulous little sound he began to drown in a flood of relief that made his legs feel as though they no longer belonged to him. A relief that had an intensity he hadn't experienced since those far off days in Afghan when Molly had stopped his heart over and over again, when she'd broken the bloody rules time after time and had refused to do as she was told, but especially when she'd frightened him half to death by insisting she had to stay with a little girl wearing a suicide vest. He could still remember the flood of fear that had engulfed him on that day when she'd refused to obey his order and step away.

But his Millie was hugging her knees and sitting on the cold wet ground in a little huddled heap under a tree, and to add to his relief she began to wail loudly as he got close enough to scoop her off the ground and hug her. He was holding her tight as he pulled his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans with a hand that wasn't quite steady.

"Charlie? What? WHAT? Say something ….what's … oh fuck …."

"Hey, hey …. It's alright, it's alright …I've got her …" He gulped and tightened his hold again on the little girl who was soaked to the skin and shivering with her hair plastered against her scalp. He could feel how cold she was as she clung to him like a little monkey and as the rain mingled with her tears dripped down her face off her chin "She's here … she's with me … I've got her Moll, I've got her … she's okay … she's okay …"

"Is she 'urt …?" Molly was swallowing hard against the bile that had surged into her throat and which was making it hard for her to say anything "Where the fuck was she? And what 'bout Patches … is he there 'n all?"

"Yep …he's fine … and no, she's not hurt … at least I don't think so" He tried to move Millie away from him slightly so that he could check, could ask her if she'd hurt herself anywhere but Millie immediately clung onto him even tighter "Looks like she's in one piece, very cold and wet but … I'll explain when I get there … just tell the police they can call off the search … okay?" He was biting his lip as he put his head back and struggled not to give into the tears of sheer relief that were prickling at the top of his nose and on the backs of his eyes "We won't be long …"

"Patches ran away Daddy … and I called him and I called him to come back …. But he wouldn't … he wouldn't come back and he was lost and I looked for him but I couldn't find him anywhere …. everyone was lost … Mr Fuddley and then Patchey and then I didn't know how to get home and I was calling you … but it was dark and I was all lost and I was scared and you didn't come … I couldn't find you … and I want to see Mummy …" She burst into a fresh torrent of tears as his heart broke for her.

"I know, I know you do, Button, and Mummy wants to see you as well … and it's alright, you're alright now … everything is alright …I've got you .. you're not lost … no-one is lost ….… come on let's get you home …"

He gulped, the incredible wave of love he felt for her mixed with the huge surge of relief from the stomach-churning anxiety made him tighten his hold on her even though there was a tiny bit of him that wanted to shake her. He wanted to hug her and hold her and keep her safe and never let her out of his sight again, and at the same time he wanted to yell at her, the same way he used to want to shake and yell at her mum when he'd felt that same drenching flood of relief mixed with a surge of anger at the way she'd scared him. It was a cocktail of emotion that he'd had to work incredibly hard to suppress "We'll talk about this later … come on …. home …"

"But Daddy ..we can't, we haven't found Patches yet, he's still lost and … and he's scared in the dark … he'll be all on his own ….."

"Patches is fine, Millie, he's not lost … he's with Sammie … no-one is lost …"

-OG-

Molly managed to keep herself under control long enough to tell the eleven year old copper that he could tell his mates that Millie was okay, that her dad had got her and that there was no need for them to keep on looking. That they could bugger off back to doing whatever it was they usually did at this time on a Saturday. But he said they couldn't, that they had to see for themselves first that Millie was home and in one piece before they could shove off, that they weren't allowed to take anyone's word for it, not even her mum or her dad. That he was sure she understood that they had to see her and then do one of their fucking reports. The horrible surge of sickness that she'd been fighting the whole time began to overwhelm her and she only just made it to the cloakroom in time before it seemed as if everything she'd eaten or drunk for the past week made a return visit. The unbelievable surge of relief that she felt when she knew that Millie was okay and that Charles had got her meant she could no longer control the nausea that the extreme fear had generated, something she'd never, ever experienced before, not even in those far off days in Afghan when she'd often been scared. She'd known that other people sometimes got sick when they were really scared, but she hadn't. Not till now. But somehow this felt different. Ever since she'd first realised that Millie wasn't in the house, that she'd somehow gone missing, the feeling that she was about to puke had been plaguing her.

Eventually when there was nothing left and she was dry heaving she closed her eyes and flushed the loo, then sat down on the cold tiled floor and rested her head back against the wall. She felt empty, drained, cold and shivery as she took a deep shuddery breath and stood up to rinse her mouth out, then slowly lifted her head and looked at her reflection in the mirror over the basin. She grimaced when she saw how bloody ghastly she looked. Instead of looking full of happy relief and smiley relief that Millie was okay, she was deadly pale with eyes that were all red-rimmed and hollow looking, she looked absolutely fucking dreadful and even splashing her face repeatedly with cold water didn't do much to improve things, it did nothing to make her look any less like she was about to die of something ghastly. The way she looked somehow reflected the way she felt. She was bloody hollow inside. She took another very deep breath and made a massive effort to get her shit together. Fuck, she was supposed to be brave and this wasn't being very brave.

She heard the sudden noisy commotion that told her they were back. Patchey was yipping and she could hear Chloe making a fuss of him in the hall and could hear Sam's voice, and then lots of other voices so that she took another deep breath and checked in the mirror that her smile looked almost normal before she stood up as straight as she could and went back to the kitchen. She could hear Charles talking to the police and immediately resented that they'd started to talk to him, that no-one had thought to wait out for her. She knew she was being unreasonable and that she should just be grateful that Millie was home safe and sound and that she should go in the kitchen and put her arms round him, put her arms round both of them and be bloody _normal. _That she should thank the police for their help even if she didn't think they'd done very much, and she needed to thank Sam and offer to make them all hot drinks so they could thaw out and should make a fuss of the dog and generally just be the way everyone expected. She wanted to hug Millie and hold her tight, and then tell her in no uncertain terms to never, ever do anything like that ever again, and just for a moment she longed for it to be like before it had all gone so horribly wrong. She wanted to hug Charles, longed to feel how she used to about the comfort of him being there, of his physical presence, about his warmth and the touch and smell of his skin, and wanted to feel the solidity of his muscles under his shirt as he put his arms round her. She wanted to hear his voice telling her it was all going to be alright, but couldn't.

Millie was leaning against his legs. She looked totally miserable and was all bedraggled with her wet curls hanging limp round her face and her thumb jammed in her mouth while Charles had one hand resting on her shoulder and was holding onto her Princess backpack with two fingers of the other one. He was swinging it slightly backwards and forwards as he listened carefully to whatever the policeman who was even taller than him was saying with such a serious look on his face. And as Molly watched from the doorway the tall copper bent forward slightly towards Millie and waved his finger at her as he obviously did his best to emphasise whatever it was he was saying, not in a nasty way, but as if he was being firm. But it was in that instant that Molly totally forgot just how bloody angry she was with the little bugger for scaring them all shitless the way she had and instead felt this huge rush of protective love for the little so-and-so.

As soon as Millie caught sight of her in the doorway she stopped paying any attention at all to whatever Mr. Plod was saying and ran from the safety of her father's legs to Molly with her arms upstretched and a loud cry of "_Mummy"_

Molly swung her up off her feet and hugged her as tightly as she could, it seemed that just for once she was the 'good cop' instead of the usual bad guy.

_**A/N: Thank you everyone for your reviews and the lovely comments … they mean the world to me. One of the newer followers asked the other day when this story began … it was actually back in January 2015 (help!) but I have updated at intervals ever since … when it began it was a shortish story simply called Consequences - and has had the word Consequences in the title ever since. **_


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey … watch it, that's hot …"

Charles' voice was low, barely more than a whisper as he handed her the mug of tea, he was very aware of Millie being fast asleep and that Molly would kill him if he woke her.

"Ta …"

She glanced quickly in his direction but didn't look at him properly, just nodded as she took the mug and put it down on the floor next to where she was sitting on the floor by Millie's bed before immediately going back to staring into space and slowly stroking her hair. The little girl looked to him as if she was deeply asleep with her precious Mr. Fuddley tucked up next to her but it was equally obvious that Molly wasn't ready to let her out of her sight. Not yet.

He knew that Millie had got over her fright very quickly, which was more than anyone could say for Molly. Molly was still very quiet, whereas Millie looked to have completely recovered from the massive fright she'd had when she'd lost the bloody dog and had ended up on her own outside in the dark, where she was cold, wet and scared, although he wasn't convinced that she'd learned any lessons. She had been very slightly chastened and had clung to Molly's neck but had then told them with a butter wouldn't melt in her mouth expression on her face that she'd only gone out there to look for the dog, at which point Molly had made it very plain that telling fibs wasn't going to help her, not this time. That they all knew that poor Patches had only been out there in the first place because she'd taken him. But Charles wouldn't have taken any bets that she'd actually learned anything from the lecture the head of the search party had dished out to her either, in fact to be honest he wasn't even sure that she'd listened to a single solitary word he'd said. Millie had this innate ability to bounce back, broken hearted one minute and back to her normal self the next, and if he was being honest it was one of the things that endeared her to him the most. He couldn't help shaking his head and having to do his best not to smile. Not that it was funny, he knew only too well that she was often very naughty, that she was difficult and defiant and disobedient and could definitely be more than a bit devious when it suited her but she was incredibly mercurial and her tough little shell and incredible resilience meant he could never seem to stay angry with her. She would look at him with those huge eyes of hers, and would bite at her bottom lip and say that she was sorry, and would look so exactly like her mum that it totally melted his heart. She not only looked like a clone of her mother but she reminded him so much of Molly when she was claiming to be hard and as tough as old boots when it was plain to everyone that she was only saying it because she thought she'd shown the world how soft her heart really was.

Millie had asked for and been allowed three Mummy stories and, unusually for her, Molly had given into her seemingly insatiable demands for drinks of water and biscuits, which in turn meant more delays for more teeth cleaning, and then for more light and for the curtains to be left open a crack and arranged in a certain very specific way. Finally, when she'd run out of all the other excuses she could think of she'd clung onto Molly's hand and begged in a series of heart-wrenching pleas for her to stay because she was scared of being on her own in the dark. And that was despite the way Molly was raising her eyebrows in disbelief.

Molly had known she was being played like an old violin and also knew only too well that she shouldn't be letting her get away with any of it. It wasn't as though it was even dark in the room, nowhere near, the nightlight and the light streaming through from the landing made sure of that, but try as she might she hadn't been able to find it in her heart to say no and stick with it. She simply hadn't got enough energy.

-OG-

"You okay?"

Charles waited with eyebrows raised, fully expecting her to say the words that had become a standing joke between them, but she didn't. She just shrugged her tired shoulders instead and muttered something about being with him in a minute, the absence of her usual snippy response worrying him more than he was prepared to admit even to himself. He couldn't help the frown that appeared between his brows as he watched her pick up the cup of tea and lean over to put it carefully on the chest of drawers without even taking as much as a sip, it was obvious she had no intention of drinking it, or of following him to bed.

"What's up?" He made a point of keeping his voice very soft so that he didn't wake Millie.

Molly shrugged again without speaking as he raised his eyebrows and stared at her steadily and waited for an answer, as she shook her head slowly from side to side.

"Come on Mol .. don't say _nothing_, because I know there's something … I can see there is … now are you going to tell me ….or is this going to be some sort of guessing game?"

He could hear the distinct note of tired irritation creeping into his voice, it sounded almost as if he was spoiling for a fight with her, which was actually the last thing he wanted. A fight would just about be the perfect way to end a perfect day, especially as he genuinely didn't know what was going on with her. Millie was back safe and sound, everything was sorted out, as much as it could be anyway and time would take care of the fright that she'd given them. But he knew he couldn't even start to put things right if he didn't know what the fuck was wrong.

"Look …" He ran his hand over his hair and then the back of his neck "Today was a … complete … fucking shambles … and I know she scared the living shit out of you … well, me as well as you, but she's back …okay? She's alright …. she's safe in her bed, she's in one piece and everything _is _going to be alright … no real harm done…" Charles knew as soon as he said it that it was completely the wrong thing to say "We'll talk to her tomorrow …put the fear of god into her"

"What you mean is that we was lucky this time … but … yeah, okay we'll talk to her tomorrow … but let's just leave it for now …"

She still hadn't told him that she didn't feel particularly great, that she'd been a bit under the weather all day and had started to feel shit when she'd been driving home from work. She'd been bloody knackered all day, not to mention generally pissed off and hadn't told him that she'd actually been sick when she'd heard that Millie was safe, she didn't know why she hadn't told him, she just hadn't. And it wasn't only the bleeding three-ring circus or all that crap with the bloody police and the rest of it, although it hadn't helped that she was still convinced that the coppers somehow thought it was her fault, that she was a crap mum who'd driven Millie into running away.

"Okay ….if you say so … have it your way …" He put his hands up in a defensive gesture and began to back away from her out of the room "I'm going to bed"

He stopped and picked up the pink sparkling dolphin that Millie kept on top of the little cupboard by the door and turned it over and over in his fingers apparently examining it closely before putting it down again carefully. Then shook his head as he looked at her again.

"You know …. you always have been a crap liar Moll .. "

Watching him hold that tacky bit of over-priced Italian tourist tat in his long fingers made the sick sad feeling of loss and longing in her stomach start to bubble up again. She loved his hands, always had, had used to get off on watching those long slender fingers of his touch things, had done ever since those far off days when she used to watch him twirl a pen between them and that day he'd written on her arm with that permanent marker thingy and had then held her hand. The first time he'd ever touched her. She'd spent the whole time she'd been back home looking at the writing on her arm and thinking about him still out there in Afghan and had been doing her best to keep her arm dry out of the shower, well she had for as long as it took for the writing to fade.

Inside she had known before it had all hit the fan. Every instinct she had somewhere deep in her gut had told her that all the things she believed to be true about them weren't somehow, not anymore. That all the years of feeling safe that he was the other half of her simply wasn't the same anymore, and that even though it was all supposed to have been sorted out, or at least he thought so, it wasn't that easy, not for her, her mind wouldn't let her forget. Her head was all over the shop and it wasn't like she could get some bleach and scrub it away. And he'd seemed defensive somehow, was serious and distracted and kept looking at his mobile a whole lot which she knew was probably to do with work, but he'd said at the time that he was going to find another job and as far as she knew he hadn't even begun to look yet. She knew she wasn't exactly helping, looking at him the way she kept doing was getting on his nerves, but she didn't even know whether he still saw the bloody girl every day, or even sometimes, or whether she even still worked there, he hadn't said and she hadn't asked. She knew it was stupid, but she'd been afraid of his answer, or rather had been afraid that he would lie to her.

Charles had bought the hideous bloody pink sparkly thing after Millie had treated them to one of her spectacular melt-downs in a touristy gift shop in Peschiera. The shop had been really crowded, packed full of tourists like them and Millie had been driving her insane, had been full of beans and tearing round the place looking adorable in her bright pink sundress with her hair tied up in curly bunches and getting in everyone's bloody way. She'd been an absolute nightmare, had been refusing to take any bloody notice of Molly telling her over and over to pack it in. People had been looking. Eventually Molly's edginess and irritation had boiled over and she'd hissed at her that she didn't understand why the hell she could never behave nicely like the others.

She'd known the minute the words had left her mouth that it wasn't the cleverest thing she'd ever said and that it would undoubtedly make Millie worse, that she would go ballistic, and she'd been right, it had. She'd thrown herself on the floor in a full blown display of broken hearted wailing, making sure that even more people were looking and had then begun this heart-broken sobbing that she really, really wanted some piece of over-priced tat, and had gone into complete overdrive when Molly told her in no uncertain terms that she wasn't getting it. Eventually Charles had come back from wherever he'd taken Marcus to look at something, had probably heard her from outside the shop and had come in looking all tall and stern and had picked Millie up to take her off to look at all the stuff down the other end of the shop. But he'd told Molly quietly over his shoulder that Italians loved kids and that she should maybe try and calm down a bit and should stop worrying. She could still remember how fucking livid she'd been with him, not only for making her feel like she was the one in the wrong and that she'd been making a fuss about nothing, but even more when he'd come back with Millie holding his hand with a smug look on her face and that piece of pink shit in the other hand. Although to be fair to him it hadn't been that dolphin that all the fuss had been about and he had taken the other two with him as well, had treated them to their own bits of tat, it was just that she'd felt like he'd undermined her and that Millie didn't deserve any sort of reward for the way she'd been behaving when she couldn't have what she wanted. He had apologised afterwards, had told her that she was right and that he was really sorry, but the damage had been done so although she'd pretended she'd forgiven him, she hadn't, not really. It had been one more thing to add to the list of things.

There was only one person she could possibly blame for them even being there, it had been her fucking stupid idea to take the kids to the family gaffe in Italy. Charles hadn't wanted to go to Garda, he'd wanted to go somewhere just the two of them for a few days on their own for a bit of a break, leave the kids behind, but Bashira had just started a holiday job, and Nan was in Skeggie with her mate Maggie so there was no-one to look after them. Well no-one that is apart from Penny, and there was no way Molly was letting her get her hooks into them. Charles had been full of how getting away and spending some time together would be good after the whole crappy thing with Sasha and he was probably right, it probably was a good idea, in theory, but even though for once Penny and Bill had decided not to tag along and it had just been her and Charles and the kids, even Sam had opted to stay behind, Molly's heart hadn't been in it. No matter how many times she told herself it was a holiday, and they all needed one, she just couldn't make herself want to go.

She really had thought that once Sasha had been put back in her kennel everything could go back to normal and life would go on the way it had before. But it hadn't turned out like that, she had all these growing feelings of disappointment, of anti-climax that she kept trying to push away. She'd grudgingly accepted that she'd be going back to being bored shitless, pissed because of not having a job and not being able to find some nice kind Mary Poppins to look after the kids, well not one that they could afford anyway. It was obvious that getting a proper job wasn't going to be anything like as easy as she'd thought, but it was just that she'd thought that would change, given time, and that her days of feeling like fucking Cinderella watching Prince Charming having a life while she was stuck at home chipping Weetabix off the chairs would be over.

Charles had been a massive part of her life since she was nineteen years old for fuck sake, and except for when she'd got cold feet and run away after her first tour of Afghan, until Lady Luck had thrown them together again and they'd gone off on tour her life had revolved around him. They'd been together pretty much ever since. It was as if he was always going to be there, a part of her, but that had been before, and now everything had changed, she was questioning everything since Sasha, she couldn't swear that they still wanted the same things. She wasn't even sure any more if any of it at all was what she wanted and she was afraid of the way she felt, as if someone had shot at her and hit the bottom of her heart with something, so she wasn't even sure that she still loved him the same way she had. She knew perfectly well she was never going to get back to feeling like she'd taken a shed load of recreational drugs all at the same time at the thought of him, but then she didn't expect to, but all the feelings that she used to have of wanting to spend every minute with him, of dreading being without him, even for a few nights let alone when he'd been deployed or on exercise or something, or sorting out some fucking disaster somewhere seemed to have upped and fucked off. And she had no idea how to go about getting any of it back or how to start living without it.

Getting ready to go on a holiday she no longer wanted had been a bloody chore, it hadn't mattered how much she kept telling herself that they did have bleeding shops in Italy, she'd ended up writing all these dozens of lists and had then had to force herself to get on and actually pack stuff. By the time they were traipsing through the arrival hall at Milan airport she felt like a refugee hauling all her bloody worldly goods in an over-loaded trolley with a grizzling over-tired baby hanging off her. She'd hardly slept for days, had kept waking up convinced she'd forgotten something, so was dog tired and sweaty and scruffy and grubby feeling with a sticky stain on her jeans where Livvie had upended her drink. She could hardly feel any worse as the world's most glamorous travellers looked at her sideways. Women that reminded her of Lady sodding Penelope, all blonde hair and glossy with long legs and they were all dressed beautifully, looking like they'd been polished, or even worse looked like Sasha, the slag with the shiny hair, so that she was already sick to death of the whole bloody thing. And to make things a whole lot worse the kids had been bickering and threatening to kill one another ever since their dad had vanished to sort the hire car. Their flight had been delayed so they were all tired and hungry and fed up, and that included her.

Looking back now she could see she that it had been like she had to punish him or something for how bloody awful it had all been. It wasn't like she didn't know how crap it had been for him as well, actually it had probably been a whole lot worse, he'd been fucking miserable, but then she couldn't help feeling that it was partly his fault whereas it definitely hadn't been hers. None of it. And she was sick of pretending that nothing had changed.

Molly had always thought that the house on Lake Garda was beautiful, not fuck-off huge and showy like Royal Crescent where she was always dead scared the kids were going to break something but big enough to not be falling over one another all the time and it had all these marble floors so it was cool inside even when it was bloody roasting outdoors. It had this small private garden to one side which was mostly grass, well it was actually a bit dead because there was no-one putting the sprinkler on it every day, and there were some trees of some sort for shade and a big terrace with the pool. But instead of being able to calm down and relax and enjoy it, she'd seemed to spend the whole of that time in Italy stopping Livvie from crawling towards the pool and rushing about after Millie, keeping her away from the bloody thing unless she was wearing her arm bands, and even then not being happy unless Charles was in there with them. She'd forgotten until they bloody got there, and she reckoned he had as well, just how easy it would be for one of them to end up in the fucking thing. It was where all those years ago now that he'd taught her to swim, but she was never going to be a water baby like Chloe or Marcus, who were in their element, and probably the other two would be the same, while she was definitely never going to be an accomplished swimmer like Sam or his dad. Molly still wasn't sure that she liked it that much except to have a bit of a cool down when she was bleeding hot, she still absolutely loathed her face being under the water.

Going down to the lake wasn't much better, she'd felt like she needed to have eyes in the back of her bloody head to watch that none of them got lost, or drowned or were getting sunburned or were doing something they shouldn't and even though she knew Charles was right and that she should back off and calm down a bit, that she was in danger of wrecking the holiday for everyone. But she couldn't seem to do it.

-OG-

She woke with a start when he gently touched her on the back and then crouched down to help pull her to her feet. She was still sitting on the floor next to Millie's bed and was stiff as a bloody plank, not to mention cold and she hadn't got the faintest idea what time it was, or how long she'd been asleep with her head on her arms on the bed. Millie was flat out fast asleep, but Molly moved her head gingerly, a tiny bit afraid she would still feel a bit under the weather, but to her relief the horrible feeling she'd had that she was about to throw up had gone. She could actually murder a cup of tea, even though she hadn't touched the one he'd bought for her earlier that was now stone bleeding cold. And she was actually quite hungry, not only hadn't she touched the tea but she'd actually had nothing to eat or drink since she'd puked her guts up earlier on.

"Come on … bed" He put his arm round her and held her as she stumbled on legs that were so stiff they felt as if they'd gone to sleep.

"Need a pee …"

"Come on then …"

She strung it out as long as she possibly could in the bathroom without taking so long it would make him come in to make sure she hadn't fallen asleep on the bog or anything, she was lingering hoping he would be back asleep by the time she went to get into bed. But he hadn't. He was lying on his back with his eyes wide open staring up at the ceiling with one arm bent above his head on the pillow, but as soon as she got into bed and lay down next to him he turned to look at her and rolled onto his side to face her.

"Head up" His voice was soft and gentle.

She lifted it so that he slid one arm underneath her and then wrapped the other one over her so that he was holding her close and she could smell his smell and feel the warmth of his skin, could see the dark shadows round his eyes as he whispered into the darkness and pulled her even closer into his side.

"Come on, tell me what's going on …. you know you're scaring me don't you, what's wrong?"

"I dunno … nothin'…"

"Nothing? Right …."

"It's just …. Look … it's nothing"

Molly yawned and wondered if she could get away with pretending to be almost asleep but decided she couldn't. She was tired and still a bit cold but although she thankfully didn't feel ill anymore she was too bloody churned up to want to start talking about everything, anyway she didn't know exactly what it was she wanted to say to him, and definitely had no idea what it was she wanted to do. Apart from find someone with a Tardis they could let her borrow.

-OG-

_**A/N: Thank you for your reviews and for the kind comments and as usual a huge thank you to Flossy for her unwavering support and encouragement **_


	5. Chapter 5

Suddenly she wanted to cry again and wasn't sure why, had no real idea what was the matter with her this time? There was just so much shit flying around in her head these days and the whole day had been the absolute pits, not only Millie, but the rest of it as well, it had been a really horrible day and much as she hated to admit it even to herself, she missed him. She missed that feeling that she could rely on him, missed the way he'd always made her feel that no matter what happened she was safe. And she missed being close, kissing him, making love to him, hated that she'd had to decide to stop being so dependent on him, to be prepared to look out for the kids and herself if she had to, but that didn't mean she wasn't lonely for him.

"Hey….come on … tell me … what?"

"Everything … me … us …. Everything feels a bit wrong …"

As soon as she'd said it, as soon as the words were out of her mouth, Molly could hear how thick her voice was with bloody unshed tears, but she knew it was totally the wrong time to talk about any of it when they were both tired and everything had been a bit shit. And if she knew all that, then why the fuck was she even thinking of doing it?

"It's just ….. don't worry about it, I'm just a bit tired that's all"

She took a deep breath and swallowed, determined that her mouth wasn't going to run away with her and wondered for a second time if she could possibly get away with pretending to drop off and decided that the answer was probably still no.

"Why do you think she did it Charlie? I mean, I know she's always getting herself all side up down" Molly used the family phrase that Chloe had invented when she was very small for when she would get herself all worked up in a state, she used to say it all the time but Molly realised when she'd just said it that Choe hadn't actually said anything like it for a long time. Sometimes it seemed that Chloe was growing up far too quickly "But this was just something else wasn't it?"

"Indeed … and honestly? I have no idea … but what it does do is make a complete bloody nonsense of all that rubbish she spouts about being scared of the dark doesn't it?" Molly couldn't see his face clearly but knew he was raising his eyebrows and chewing at his lip, she also knew that he loved that 'knight in shining armour' stuff he did whenever Millie clung to him saying it was dark and that she was scared.

"I dunno 'bout that … but even if that is all just bull shit, I still don't get why she'd do something like that …. She _ran away _Charlie, I thought she was in the sitting room with Chloe and she wasn't, she ran away …. Bloody epic fail that's me"

"You? Of course you're not … and I don't know whether she actually meant to run away Moll, somehow I doubt it, I think she just got carried away doing a Millie but absolutely none of it was your fault … if anything I'd have to put my hand up and say it was mine. I was the one who should have stopped her taking the fucking thing with her wasn't I? If I'd been more careful, if I'd paid more attention none of it would have happened"

"You're just saying that … the police thought it was my fault"

"I'm not just saying it and I'm sure the police didn't think anything of the kind …"

"Yeah they did …. you wasn't there …"

"Nope … but … well if that was really what they thought, they were 100% fucking wrong"

"We're gonna 'ave to do something about her you know … trouble is I don't even know where to start, except can't help thinking that maybe Nan's right 'n a good slap on her bum is what she needs…."

"You know you don't mean that .." His voice was still low and gentle as he shook his head "Look … don't worry about it tonight … I know you're right and that we can't go on like this and I'm sorry, I know I haven't always …. " He shook his head again "We have to work out a plan, don't we?"

"Yeah … 'n bleeding stick to it … both of us this time … not just me .."

"I know …"

"You don't think she … nah, don't matter …"

"What? I don't think she _what_…?"

"Nothing ….it's just … it's just …. Everything that went on with … well you know … I mean she's not stupid and they all knew there was something going on, that something was wrong and I can't help feeling it's all got a bit fucked up since … you know what I'm talking about …" Molly knew she was in danger of doing what she'd said she wasn't going to do and getting involved in an in-depth discussion about Sasha and what had happened and she didn't want to, not without a clear idea of what she wanted. It was him who'd once told her to always know exactly what she wanted to achieve when she talked about consequences "I'm not saying it's your fault or nothing …I mean Millie's always been a bloody drama queen … but I think she's got worse … "

Shit, she hadn't actually meant to start making it sound as if it was all his fault, although in her darker moments she did think that the way he let Millie get away with stuff wasn't helping. She ran rings round him at times, but now wasn't the time to start flinging those sort of accusations at him.

"And no bugger will give me a job either, will they? and I know it's not that I'm no good cos I know I am, not that it seems to matter … I mean, after Livvi they said I could always go back … that I only had to ask … now it seems that's all changed 'n they can well do without me" She took a deep shuddery breath and did her best to sniff back the renewed need to cry tired tears of feeling sorry for herself.

"Shall I pay him a visit? I could go and sort him out for you if you like"

His voice was gentle as he chuckled softly and made the offer that was not only a fairly lame attempt at a joke, but that he knew she would never accept in a million years. Molly was independent to a point that sometimes worried him and sometimes irritated him beyond belief, but much as he'd love to fight her battles for her he knew she would never accept that sort of help from him. That she would see it as interference. There were times when she didn't seem to need him at all.

"Stupid man doesn't know what he's missing, you're the bloody nuts at it, you've always have been the nuts" She could feel his smile against her hair in the dark "You've always been bloody brilliant"

"You wanna try telling him that … anyhow you're biased"

"I'll have you know that I'm not in the least biased and it would be my absolute pleasure … you only have to say the word …"

"Nah … you're alright … don't be daft …" Even though she knew he was half joking, for some reason his words and tone of voice comforted her. The way he'd just said what he'd said reminded her of when she was happy, not that they solved anything, it was going to take a hell of a lot more than a few words to make everything in her world right. But they did make her feel marginally better for some reason.

"But tell you what you can do, you can tell that stupid mother of yours to keep her bleeding gob shut, tell her to stop feeding Chlo with all that bollocks about how no-one loves her or how we 'ave favourites or some such rubbish …we got enough with one of them throwing her toys out the pram every time she don't get her own way … 'n it's not nice for Chloe hearing her gran say stuff like that …"

"Me? What happened to we?"

"Your mother …. not mine … 'n she's not gonna listen to me is she? _You _on the other hand … she thinks the sun shines out your bum …"

"Lovely … but yep I know … I'm sorry" He snorted "I can't help it if my mother knows I'm perfect" He snorted again.

"You wish … and stop laughing it's not funny"

"I'm not laughing and I am, I really am sorry …and I will talk to her" He did his best to sound contrite, he was nowhere near convinced that Penny would take a blind bit of notice of anything he had to say on the subject, he was pretty sure she would deny that she'd been doing any such thing but this was probably the longest conversation that they'd had in weeks without Molly saying she was too tired and just wanted to go to sleep "Is there anything else while we're at it?"

Molly knew he'd been half joking, had been sort of teasing her, but was suddenly aware that there was a real danger of the conversation turning into a complete list of things that were pissing her off, never mind about what had happened with Sasha but about him not talking to Sammie like he'd promised. He still hadn't made the effort to ask him about why he'd been so against going back to that prison they'd had him locked up in, or what he wanted to do with the rest of his life now that he'd escaped. But Molly knew she had to be careful, that she had to guard her tongue because she was in danger of saying more than she should, of telling him things she'd promised to keep to herself.

"You still haven't talked to Sammie 'ave you? You've gotta do it Charles…?

"I will talk to him Molly, I promise …. But tell me something … is this about … has this got anything to do with Sasha?"

"What? Why would it?"

"No, no I don't mean has Sam got anything to do with her, I just can't help wondering whether she's still here…" He tapped gently on her head "If there was something I could do to … you would tell me wouldn't you?"

"You got any idea at all how hard it is to just forget all that?"

"Tell me…."

"You … " She shook her head "You was always so busy, so sort of distracted somehow with stuff when you was home … then hearing that some … girl …. say you and her … say that she'd been having an affair with you… that while I was sitting here at home on my own making sure your kids were okay, you were off somewhere with her, the two of you busy saving lives together and if you weren't actually _fucking _her, then you were doing your best to …. ?"

"Of course I know, I know it was probably as hard if not harder than hearing some stupid little girl I'd never touched, that I had no wish to touch, make all that up to get her own back because I didn't want her …. And that she'd try and wreck things …" He swallowed hard "And then having to ignore all the _no smoke without fire_ comments, and the way people looked at me so that all I wanted was to hang a sign round my neck with _not guilty_ written on it …"

"Do you still see her all the time?"

"WHAT? No of course not, I haven't seen her for weeks, not since … she doesn't work there anymore … you know that"

"Nah I don't … you never said"

"I did, I'm sure I did"

Charles shook his head and tried to remember but so much had been going on at the time and since and then when the shit had finally stopped flying from the fan and he'd managed to feel slightly less uncomfortable he'd just wanted to bury the whole bloody thing. He'd wanted nothing more than to forget about what had happened, consign it to history, something he now realised was more about hoping against hope that if no-one ever even mentioned her by name he could sweep her out of their lives. He knew now that he'd been a bit of a coward.

"I've got no idea where she works now … and what's more I don't bloody care … as long as it's nowhere near me" He paused and thought for a moment and woke up to what Molly had just said "What? Please tell me you haven't spent all this time thinking I was still working with her? Seeing her every day? Shit, Moll why didn't you just ask?"

"Nah, I didn't really … I mean, yeah alright I did, I was a bit bothered I suppose … I'm sorry, I know I should've just said something …but …"

"Yep you bloody should …. I would never lie to you Moll, I thought you knew that, I promised and I know it's all been shit since all that hit the fan … and that it was especially hard for you, but if she was still working at DEC I definitely wouldn't be, you mean more to me than any fucking job …" He stroked her hair and began to wind her hair round his fingers turning it into ringlets "But as we still have to eat and we have to feed those little blighters of ours I'm still working there …."

"Thought you was going to call them bleeders for a minute …" Molly was getting sleepy but actually in a nice way not in the needing to escape into sleep way that she had been doing over recent weeks "Are you still gonna look for something else … a new job ….you said you was going to but then you haven't said …"

"Indeed … but jobs like mine don't grow on trees Moll …. Not if I want to stay working in disaster relief …. And pay the mortgage … trouble is no matter how hard I look, I can't find the queue that's lining up to chuck wonderful jobs at some middle aged bloke who's spent years playing soldiers and who now walks with a limp because he didn't duck fast enough …"

"Stop fishin'… you're not middle aged …. " She muttered something that sounded suspiciously like "you're old" to Charles as he heard her familiar giggle.

"Did you just call me _old_?"

"Nah … yeah, sorry" She was now giggling in a way he hadn't heard for, well as far back as he could remember "But don't worry, your limp's cute" She said it as if it was a consolation prize which made Charles snort a laugh down his nose.

"Thank you … I think …. Now it's you that's biased …. but I love you for it…"

Molly knew that it had to be getting really late, but hadn't realised until she checked quite how late it was, it was only going to be a very few hours and then Livvie was going to be up and awake and needing attention, and even if Charles got up to see to her like he did on Sundays she'd still be awake as well. The thought was exhausting, because right now she was so bloody tired that she couldn't stop yawning so widely that her eyes were watering.

"Hey …. close your eyes, go to sleep .."

"I'm alright …"

"I know you are .. but just do as you're told for once and close your eyes …. and stop bloody arguing with me .."

"Yes Boss …"

Charles chuckled and tightened his hold to keep her tucked into his side while she gave into the almost overwhelming urge to sleep. As he listened to her breathing getting slower and deeper he was slightly reassured that for the first time in weeks they'd talked the way they always used to, although he couldn't pretend that he didn't know there was still a wide gulf between them, and that it hadn't been there before all that crap had started with Sasha. But if he was entirely honest, he knew in his heart of hearts that there'd been issues that had been worrying her, issues that he hadn't taken nearly seriously enough, issues that he'd hoped would just go away.

-OG-

"Right … you three…. kitchen …. now …"

Millie had got herself all dressed up in her unicorn dress with her tiara lop-sided where it was perched in her curls as he interrupted her star performance. She was thoroughly enjoying herself taking centre stage and playing to the audience that was Marcus who appeared to be hanging on her every word and to a far lesser extent Chloe. Their little drama queen was replaying the real-life drama she'd created the night before, or at least her version of it, to the brother who'd missed every bit of it and who was apparently now speechless with admiration, as Chloe added her two pennyworth to the story. She was happily embellishing Millie's tale by adding her own dramatic interpretations of what had happened when the police with their large dog had searched the house. Charles jerked his head to reinforce his order for them to do as they were told and shift into the kitchen.

"Right, you three, now are you all listening to me?"

He looked slowly and deliberately from one to the other of the trio of expectant faces as they sat in silence at the kitchen table all looking at him with varying degrees of truculence.

"Pardon … I don't think I heard you" He raised his eyebrows as they all dutifully chorused "Yes Daddy" and he saw the three of them exchange puzzled looks. It was completely obvious that they had no idea what it was all about.

"Now … first of all I don't want any of you to make any mistake about it, what Millie did yesterday was stupid beyond belief … it was an incredibly naughty thing to do young lady …" He was looking directly at Millie and frowning "It wasn't clever and it wasn't funny and I don't want to hear another word about how it was an adventure … it wasn't, you all know that you don't go anywhere out of this house without asking mummy or me, you could have been badly hurt and you could have got poor Patches hurt as well, he could have been properly lost out there all on his own in the dark … in the rain … just think about that for a moment …"

Chloe put her hands up to her face and stared at him with an appalled expression at the thought of what might have happened to Patches, and although Marcus had eyes like saucers at the thought, he was far more reserved about showing any sort of emotion, which was something that Charles had become more and more aware of recently. Watching Marcus was like looking down a tunnel at himself when he'd been very young and learning how to bottle up and hide his feelings wasn't something he wanted for any of his own children. But he couldn't help his own strong urge to smile at the way the two of them were actually far more worried at the thought that the dog could have lost or unhappy than they were worried about their sister. He managed not to show any emotion but winced inside at the look on Millie's face and saw the way her eyes flooded with tears at the tone in his voice as he told her off.

"But Daddy …." Charles had to steel his heart against the way she was looking at him, it was hard for him to stay stern when she looked at him like that. Every instinct he possessed wanted to pick her up and hug her.

"No _buts_ Millie, you know what you did was wrong, don't you? You know how worried Mummy was… you need to say you're sorry to her and then you need to promise me that you'll never do anything so silly again …. Do you understand?"

"You made mummy be sick …"

Chloe turned to her side and spoke to the sister who was sprawling in the chair next to her with her arms stretched across the table in front of her apparently examining her hands and trying her best to look as if she wasn't even listening. Millie had in the space of less than half an hour gone from being the dramatic heroine of her own adventure featuring police and search parties to being back to being an annoying little sister. The sister who, just for a change, was the one who was in the deepest of deep trouble.

"What? I didn't know that …" Charles looked at Chloe with a puzzled expression on his face "Are you sure?"

"Yes …. I heard her …"

"Well, she seems fine now … so … right … let's have no more of it … no repeat of any of this, I don't want to ever have to tell any of you anything like this ever again"

"Careful Dad … one day they're going to be choosing your care home …." Sam had been leaning up against the doorframe listening and was now laughing at his own joke as Charles turned his head and scowled at him, before he too laughed and shook his head.

"It's not funny Sam ….. hey …. I never really said thanks for last night … but well, you know … thank you" He gulped "Millie here has something to say to you as well … Millie what do you say to Sam?"

"Sorry?" Sam was still chuckling at the grudging tone of her little apology and the way she'd made it sound as if she was asking a question as he walked past and put his hand on the top of her head to ruffle her curls. Charles' voice had been stern enough to brook absolutely no argument, a tone that Sam could well remember from when he was a kid as he wisely decided not to add any smartarsed comments. He couldn't remember the last time he'd seen his bratty little sister look so thoroughly chastened.

-OG-

Dragging Sam out for a walk with the dog had seemed like the best way to carry out the promise he'd made to Molly to have a private chat with his eldest son without any danger of one of the others muscling in on them. Now he was hoping that the grey clouds weren't threatening enough to mean rain as they walked slowly side by side across one of the fields behind the house both watching the dog scurrying around chasing smells, as Charles suddenly wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Or even if he knew exactly what the subject was. Somehow over the years the easy familiarity of talking to Sammie had got lost in all the other day to day bits of his life. He wasn't sure how to start.

"What's up Dad?"

"Does something have to be _up_ as you put it before we go out for a walk?"

The look Sam gave him was as full of disbelief as that statement deserved. Sam wasn't stupid and it was obvious to him that Charles had something on his mind. He actually couldn't remember the last time his dad had literally insisted that he had to accompany him anywhere, so it was as plain as the nose on his face that he had something he wanted to discuss without any of the audience at home which made Sam's heart start to sink. He was suddenly convinced that despite all her promises, Molly had said something to his dad which meant he was in for an excruciatingly embarrassing conversation with him about things he wasn't ready to talk about. A conversation he wasn't prepared for and didn't want.

-OG-

_**A/N: Another slice of daily life at the Barn, and I am sorry for the delay in updating. Thank you for all your lovely reviews and kind comments and as always an extra special thank you to Flossy for her endless encouragement … and her patience with the nasty attack of writer's wobblies that afflicts me from time to time. Will try to update quicker next time when Charles has some issues he has to face. **_


	6. Chapter 6

"Everything alright Dad?"

"Yep …indeed …" Charles swallowed "Been a bit full on the last couple of days hasn't it?" He raised his eyebrows and snorted a laugh down his nose "A tad difficult …. But … all good now … how about with you … how are things?"

"Fine …." Sam looked sideways at his father, he knew there was something really weird going on, something was making Charles uncomfortable so that he sounded strange, but it was equally obvious that he was finding it difficult to get started on whatever it was. It was so unlike his father that alarm bells started to go off in Sam's brain, but he was desperately afraid to ask what was going on, just in case it was what he dreaded more than anything else he could think of. But then walking side by side with his dad in a silence filled with unspoken words was also uncomfortably full of a tension that seemed almost palpable "I'm okay .. thanks … so ..?" Sam shrugged "What is it Dad?"

"Nothing …. Nothing in particular …. I just thought it was time we had a bit of a catch up … we haven't talked properly in ages"

"What's she said?"

Oh shit, that sinking feeling he'd had earlier had returned with a vengeance together with a cold sweat of dread, he was horribly convinced that his worst fucking nightmare come true. He wasn't stupid, so he'd known it was coming of course, that no matter how much he wished he could he couldn't turn the clock back and make bloody sure he didn't say a single word to anyone about what had happened. He wouldn't tell Molly a thing. He remembered reading somewhere or maybe someone had told him once that the only way to keep something secret was to make absolutely sure you don't breathe a word about it to anyone, and he hadn't done that, had he? Only had himself to blame now.

"Who? If you're talking about your mother Sam, I haven't spoken to her since all the fuss about you not going back to school, she wasn't exactly pleased with either of us …"

"Not mum … I wasn't talking about mum, I was talking about Molly … what has she told you?"

"Molly? …" Charles shook his head "Sorry Sam … but why would she tell me anything?"

Sam wasn't sure he believed that his dad didn't know about his little heart to heart with Molly, he was convinced that was the reason his father sounded a bit weird but it was all totally his own fault. There was no-one else to blame.

"No reason I suppose"

"She hasn't said anything …. nothing at all … why would she say anything? Have you talked to her about your plans, about what you want to do next? Now that you've apparently given up on the idea of finishing your education … I'm presuming here that you're not actually intending to spend the rest of your life lying on your bed playing games on your phone"

Charles heard with horror the irritable note of censure that had crept into his voice. He hadn't picked his words at all carefully and he definitely should have because he certainly hadn't intended that to sound the way it had. Molly would string him up by the balls if she could hear him. But the last thing he wanted was to admit that he and Molly had indeed discussed the issue, and that she was the one who'd pushed him to talk to Sam. He knew Sam wouldn't be happy with the thought that his dad had had to be told to talk to him. And this wasn't about any bloody expectations he'd had about what Sam should be doing with his life, or about what Rebecca wanted or Penny or anyone else for fuck sake, this was about what Sam wanted. And he certainly didn't intend to give him the impression that this was about any failure on his part to measure up to expectations, and it wasn't about what Rebecca kept referring to as wasting the opportunities that his very expensive education had given him. Of wasting a lot of money. Charles had got increasingly pissed off at the way she'd talked about the cost and had been tempted on more than one occasion during one of her tantrums to ask her exactly whose money it was she was talking about.

But Molly was right, he didn't even know what had made Sam so unhappy at school, what had made him refuse to even consider the possibility of going back, not even to re-take this fucking exam that Rebecca had been so obsessed with. He didn't know why exactly Sam had walked away nor what had led to him stubbornly refusing all their attempts to get him to re-think the decision.

Charles had kept telling himself it was because Sam had been in trouble, that his suspension had been for an act of teenage stupidity, and serious as it had no doubt been in the eyes of the stuffy establishment they'd chosen, or rather that Rebecca had chosen and that he'd gone along with, it was one that was nothing that couldn't have been smoothed over if Sam had been prepared to co-operate. In Charles' experience money talked in these establishments and the loss of a pupil's fees was something they did their best to avoid, if it was at all possible. And Molly had been right, it had hardly been the crime of the century. But Sam had virtually refused to discuss it beyond a few truculent grunts and a penchant for walking off without answering and Molly had hinted that there were things about the school that had made Sam hate every last minute he'd been forced to be there. But she'd refused to elaborate, had insisted instead that he was the one who had to discuss the whole thing with Sam, and that all the yelling in the world wasn't going to change it.

Charles had this horrible niggling feeling that Sam had tried to explain it to him and that he hadn't made time to listen.

"You know there was no point at all in me going back Dad don't you? … I'm sorry … but you knew that and I know I let you down but .. I did try to explain that even if I'd taken that bloody exam a hundred times the result would have been the same … I'd have failed a hundred times …. I hated it … all of it, not only because I'm bloody useless at Maths, but all of it… every bit of it …"

"You didn't let me down Sam, wherever did you get an idea like that? You could never let me down .." Charles put a hand out and squeezed the top of Sam's arm, horrified to hear the degree of sincerity in his voice, Sam was serious and obviously meant every word he was saying. He wasn't just playing for the sympathy card. And somewhere in the back of his head Charles knew he'd been guilty of closing his eyes to what had been going on and that being constantly stressed and on edge, worrying all the time about his ability to do a good job in his new role was no fucking excuse. Nor was the recent nightmare of all the shit that had been flying around in recent months "I just wish I'd known … you should have told me …"

"I did, Dad, well … I tried … but … well, either you weren't listening or you didn't believe me … I know you did okay at school, but I didn't, I never fitted in, not anywhere, not in any of them, the one when we lived in Yorkshire wasn't so bad … but then I got shifted again didn't I? Moved to another one and no-one asked me what I wanted …" Charles had some vague memories of a lot of yelling and door slamming sat the time which had then become morose sulks when he'd relentlessly insisted that Sam had to move to the school his mother had wanted for him "And the rest of them were absolute shit … I hated them"

"Don't let your mother hear you say that …."

"I don't care if she does, it's the truth and it doesn't matter anyway because I'm not telling you anything you didn't already know Dad, and Mum never cared what it was like for me, I'm not sure she even noticed, as long as I was safely parked out of the way somewhere … out of sight … in the _right kind of school, _with the _right kind_ of boys, making the _right sort_ of friends, it didn't matter that I was miserable, that I didn't have any friends, not real ones… "

"That's not fair to your mum, Sam, she loves you"

"Does she?"

Sam was suddenly worried that he was going to cry which would underline just how much of a kid he was, how bloody useless he was, so took a deep shuddery breath and willed the tears to go away. Feeling sorry for himself wasn't going to go down very well with his dad.

"Of course she does … we all do, I love you and so does Molly and your brother and your sisters … I just feel that we've let you down, Sam, or that I have …"

"It's not your fault that I was no good at the things that matter Dad, no good at sport, and I'm only average at everything else" Sam shook his head "I know I'm not stupid, that I can get by, well apart from at Maths, but I am not _really_ good at anything …"

Charles could hear the bleak tone in his voice and was flooded with guilt, Jesus why hadn't he done something about this before when it would have counted for something? It was too bloody late now, and if he was being brutally honest with himself he'd have to admit that somewhere in the back of his head he had known, or at least had had an inkling that things weren't wonderful, not that they were as bad as they obviously had been, but Molly had tried several times to talk to him about it. She had indeed done her best to persuade him that boarding school wasn't the right place for Sam. She'd maintained that he wasn't happy and needed to be at home, and he'd dismissed her fears as some sort of prejudice against the sort of education that he'd had and that he firmly believed in. He'd dismissed what she'd said as an attempt on her part to underline how absolutely adamant she was that their children were not going to be sent away anywhere to school. And he'd been equally insistent that she was wrong. And he knew that part of it was him avoiding the issue because of his reluctance to start a war with Rebecca, but this wasn't about Rebecca, this was about Sammie.

"Most of them are little shits …"

"Probably …"

"No Dad, there's no probably about it … you have got no idea … and neither has mum with all her _right kinds of people_, does she really think that the sort of people who think it's okay to make your life hell every day because you like different things or wear glasses or …whatever, that the sort of people who enjoy doing that are the sort of people you're going to pick to be your friends? Is that really what she believes? l mean I used to go along with stuff, stuff that I hated …. I used to pretend that I found the things they said funny … that it was all some huge joke … but I wasn't going to ask to make things any worse, was I?"

"Where was your housemaster in all this Sam? What did Richardson do about it? I presume he knew what was going on … what about all that stuff they spout about zero tolerance?"

"Come on Dad, things haven't changed that much since you were at school … it's all about pretending stuff doesn't happen … all stiff upper lip and big boys don't cry and pull yourself together and all that crap …"

"Christ!"

"You know, I don't want to say that it was alright for you, but it was wasn't it? You were good at sports … and cadets … and you didn't struggle with anything did you? Good at everything … Not like me …"

"I'm can't tell you how much I wish I could go back and change it … but…. _If only _doesn't count does it?_" _Charles wiped a hand over the back of his neck "Have you given much thought to what you want to do now?"

Sam was infinitely relieved to get off the topic of school. He was more than happy to change the subject because talking about it was bringing back the memories of just how much he'd hated it. All of it. Just how miserable and lonely he'd been at times and how it had seemed never-ending. But since he'd refused to go back he'd found some friends on-line that seemed to understand how he felt, friends he could confide in, friends that had experienced similar things, people that were helping him feel better about himself, but he just couldn't see himself talking to his dad about any of it. He couldn't imagine telling him that he hadn't shared the obsessive interest in girls and in porn that most of the other boys had, and that despite the hundreds of lewd conversations he'd had with the others in the common room, there had been something about him that had led the others to decide he was faking it. And in the macho culture that prevailed in that place even a hint that someone might possibly be a bit different was enough to make them a target. It hadn't seemed to matter how vehemently he'd denied what they were saying, it just seemed to act as a spur for the constant barrage of name-calling and the suggestive comments accompanied by loud sniggers that had become his daily life. Even the little escapade in the pub which had led to his suspension had been about _fitting in, _about doing something to prove that he was one of the lads, and that had backfired on him spectacularly. Although Sam couldn't have wished for a better outcome.

"I thought … I did think I'd quite like to do something with food, with cooking, that maybe in time I'd like to be a chef"

"What's that, self-preservation from Moll's cooking?"

"Maybe …" Sam laughed "But that's another non-starter isn't it? To do it you need College and to do that I need Maths … so" Sam shrugged.

"Do you? Have you actually checked?" Shit, once again Charles could hear himself sounding as though he didn't believe that Sam was an adult who could be trusted to get it right, that once again there was a tone of doubt in his voice that he didn't particularly like "Maybe there's some way round it, I mean, you got a grade last time you sat the exam, didn't you? It might not have been the grade that … well the one that would get you into 6th form … the one that meant you could do what your mum wanted you to do, but what about the Catering Corps? As far as I know you don't need any particular grade to do that …."

"No Dad, absolutely NOT … I am not going in the army … no thanks, I'd rather be a kitchen porter somewhere, I don't want to do it, it's as bad as being an accountant or a solicitor or a bloody brain surgeon or whatever other wonderful career choice mum had all planned out for me … well before she realised I was thick"

"Sam … don't … and you're not thick … you know you're not .. and that sounded unkind … your mum only wants the best for you"

"Right … of course she does" Sam laughed and shook his head "The one with the biggest bragging rights you mean … you've never met the other Dubai ladies that lunch have you Dad?"

"Fair enough …." Charles snorted, he could only imagine the sort of circle of friends that Rebecca had cultivated in Dubai "How about we have a look at all the options when we get home, see what we can come up with?" Charles clapped Sam on the shoulder "What do you say?"

Charles knew that Rebecca was very likely to have a blue fit, that she'd be jumping up and down heaping all sorts of blame and criticism on him for what she'd almost certainly see as a failure on his part to sort Sam out. It would be all his fault, or actually it was more likely that the blame would fall on Molly for Sam choosing something Rebecca didn't consider to be a suitable career. It would be Molly's malign influence. Unless Sam was certain to be Michelin starred of course, or have the potential of owning a string of restaurants, or to at least appear regularly on television. Rebecca actually had zero interest in food, playing with a lettuce leaf was her idea of eating a balanced meal, so was likely to make a huge fuss. Sam was right, her ambitions for their son were all about what she wanted.

-OG-

Molly was standing at the sink washing up a huge pile of utensils, so that it looked to him as though every chopping board, knife and bowl they possessed was sitting there waiting as he stood behind her and put his arms round her waist before he rested his chin on the top of her head. Molly leaned back against him for a minute before plunging her hands back in the hot soapy water.

"Okay, what you done with Millie?" She giggled and lifted her chin trying to look up at him "Who is this kid, what you done with the real one?"

"Oh shit, what now?"

He really didn't want to have to dish out any more discipline to anyone, he'd had enough for one day.

"Nothing … that's what I meant … she's walking around here polishing her bloody halo, saying please and thank you nicely every couple of minutes even to her brother …" Molly shook her head and giggled loudly "She's said sorry Mummy for everything every couple of minutes and it's bloody scaring the shit out of me … the other two are just as bad, they're being so polite to each other it's like all three have been abducted by aliens … did you threaten them, put the fear of god in them or something? If you did, can you make sure you do it every day?"

"Yup…." Charles laughed and pretended to buff his nails against his sweater, then smirked "They just needed a firm hand that's all …they needed to know who's boss, who's in charge … "

"Yeah … right … course they did … 'n that's you is it? I'll bloody remind you of that when the novelty wears off"

"I'm going to regret saying any of that, aren't I?"

"Oh yeah … when the aliens get fed up with them and send them back … I'll give it another hour … tops"

"Before that happy event, can you stop that and give me a hug? I really need one, I've been talking to Sam … shit Moll, what's happening to my bloody family, no-one's happy … how the fuck did I let any of this happen?"

"Come on, it's not your fault and …. it's not that bad … Sam's alright, he's getting there … he told you about them horrible little shits bullying him then? … I hope you told him it don't matter … that it's not a big deal if he is gay … that it don't make any difference to the people that love him, it makes no bloody difference at all"

"GAY? What? Sam? Sam's gay? What are you talking about? Is that what he told you? Because he didn't say anything like that to me …"

Charles took his arms from round her waist and let go of her, obviously about to rush off as Molly made a grab for his arm.

"What you doing?"

"Going to find him and talk to him of course" He rubbed a hand over his head and then stood still and wracked his brains trying to think whether Sam had said anything at all that he could have misinterpreted, if he'd even hinted at something, he was worried that he'd missed the bloody clues again as his son had tried to tell him about something that was worrying him "Fuck Molly, why didn't he say anything, I thought we were having a proper chat, an honest talk about things, why didn't he tell me?"

"Maybe he's not ready …. or maybe there's nothing _to_ tell … I dunno …he never said he was, actually come to think of it he said he wasn't, but that they were bullying him because they thought he was …. But I don't know if I believe that …. I don't know whether he is or he isn't, but you can't go steaming in or he'll know I told you and I promised him … and anyway if you go charging in all upset and shouting he's bound to think you're annoyed, so please don't … please wait out and let him tell you himself when he's got something he wants to tell you, when he decides he's ready…"

"You're right …. of course you're bloody right, but that's more bloody secrets, why does it suddenly feel as if no-one in this house is happy … you're not, Sam's not, the only one who's happy is the bloody dog"

"Don't worry about me, I'm alright …. But what about you? You never told me they was giving you shit at work did you? Is it still like that now, has all that stopped?"

"Molly … Stop trying to change the subject, this is not about me and I know there's something wrong … I'm worried about you, I just wish you'd tell me" Charles paused and sniffed "Ummm …. Sorry … but something smells as if it's done …."

"Oh fuck …. That's you distracting me … it's sodding well burnt now innit?" Molly pulled open the oven door and flapped her hand around in a vain attempt to disperse the smoke "Fuck … now see what you've made me do"

"Me? What was it before it committed suicide?"

She was torn between wanting to cry at the waste of all the effort she'd put into cooking something _proper _because she'd forgotten all about turning the oven temperature down after she'd whacked it up to cook it quickly after spending so long messing about with it, and giggling at the look on his face "It was lunch … sausage pasta bake … 'n it took me bloody hours … dunno why I bothered now" She wafted the oven gloves over the top of the casserole dish "Maybe we can pick the burnt bits off ….. what do you think?"

"Lovely …" Molly could see how hard he was struggling not to laugh and not to show his scepticism that it would be edible.

"Baked beans on toast?"

"Yep, sounds good to me … I'll do it …. It's only fair when it was apparently my fault lunch was cremated …" Charles smirked "And you can sit there and tell me what's wrong …. And don't say _nothing_ okay?"

-OG-

_**A/N: Sorry, sorry for the long delay in updating, it took me a while and a lot of re-writes to be happy (reasonably) with the tone of Charles' chat with Sam … and I've been writing something else at the same time, a story that had been buzzing around in my brain and refusing to go away for some time … anyway, thank you for all your reviews and kind comments for the last chapter, they are what keep me going and I do hope that you enjoyed this one … I promise that the next update will be a lot quicker … and as usual bucket loads of thanks to Flossy, I really don't know what I'd do without her. **_


	7. Chapter 7

"There's nothing _to_ tell … 'n I wish you'd stop going on at me"

"Moll …" There was a warning note in Charles' voice as he shook his head "Okay, okay …. have it your way … I can't make you tell me …" He shrugged and turned back towards the larder then crouched to continue concentrating on looking for the beans "Just tell me one thing, are you pregnant?"

"WHAT? Where d'you get that come from? Why would you even think that?"

"I don't know …. Are you? Chloe said you were sick yesterday…"

Charles knew that she'd avoided answering the question, something that she was very good at when she set her mind to it.

"How did she know? For fuck sake, Charles, look at me … you can be sick without being pregnant … it was … just …I was relieved about Millie …"

Charles stopped rooting around amongst the tins in the cupboard and turned his head to look at her, a deep frown on his face before he stood up.

"Nope sorry, don't buy that … that is not what you do is it?"

"Yeah well … always a first time and none of them has ever done anything like that before … have they? They've never scared the living shit out of me like that …"

"Right … there is that I suppose …. But just tell me, if you're not pregnant, then what is it? What's going on, what's wrong, are you ill? Is that what this is about?"

"Nah …course I'm not … I'd tell you if I was"

"Would you? I'm seriously beginning to doubt it …. Just tell me Moll … you really are scaring me you know … come on, just spit it out …."

"You gotta promise me you won't be mad"

"Oh fuck … what is it?"

"Do you promise?"

"Alright, I promise …"

"When we got back from Italy … I had this …. l really thought …. I had this … bit of a problem …. when we was back from Italy … yeah already said that didn't I?"

"Tell me … will you just fucking well stop all this and tell me …?"

"Don't get mad …. it's alright now, you know, everything's all sorted … there's really nothing for you to worry about … let's just leave it can we?"

Molly's first instinct was to carry on trying to pretend that none of it at all had happened, she wanted more than anything to just be able to sweep it all under the rug. The longer it had gone on the more she'd been dreading getting to a point where she'd have to tell him, the feeling of easy camaraderie when she'd been able to tell him anything and everything seemed to have pissed off with the advent of Sasha into their lives and anyway this was different. She'd deliberately kept it from him. All those stupid fears that had always been there somewhere about being t_emporary_ in some way and that one day he'd be bound to wake up and look at her and wonder what the hell he was doing with someone like her, and it didn't matter how often she'd told herself she was the one he loved, or that he told her all the bloody time that he loved her and the children, she couldn't quite get rid of the little voice in her head that told her he could do a hell of a lot better without even trying. But she had believed him when he'd promised that Sasha was a lying conniving little bitch and that he'd never laid a finger on her, but in the dark of yet another sleepless night she hadn't been able to quite shake off the thought that she'd believed him because it was what she'd wanted to believe. Because the alternative was so bloody unthinkable. Hard as she tried to dismiss the thought, underneath she'd been shit-scared that bloody Sasha was living proof of her having been right all along.

It wasn't until they were half way through their holiday in Italy that she gave a name to the nameless dread that was making her so bloody irritable and picky with the kids, and with Charles. Where the fuck was her period? She'd finished her pills as usual but hadn't bothered noting what day or anything, it was never a problem because she was never late. You could set your bloody clock by it, five days on from the last pill, and then three, sometimes four days of being tired and crampy and a bit crabby and feeling like it was all too much effort when her insides were falling out. As well as having an even deeper than usual craving for chocolate. But now she couldn't seem to stop trying to count back the days, drumming her fingers on the table and trying to work it out as a grade A panic had her by the throat. She hadn't had any problems at all with the pill she'd been taking since Livvie, hadn't missed a single one, hadn't had a funny tummy or anything and had been really, really careful to do it properly. She'd always taken the bloody thing at the same time every single solitary day, had been almost paranoid about making sure because of not being like her mum and had been like it ever since Charles had refused to go and get seen to. She couldn't possibly be pregnant, so what the fuck was wrong with her? Eventually Charles had taken the kids to get ice cream and she'd taken advantage to have a quick squint at Google just to see what other explanations there were. But it was no fucking help at all, if anything it just made everything a whole lot worse. According to Google there were two distinct possibilities, one said _congratulations you've got yourself caught_, and the other one that said go and get a stick and pee on it and see if you can rule that out because you might have some form of something horrible, can't even rule out cancer. Which frightened the bloody shit out of her. If ever she'd regretted looking something up it was then, especially as there was no way she was going to be able to ditch Charles and the kids and go to an Italian Pharmacy on her own to ask for a test. She had no idea what the Italian was for pregnancy test and couldn't imagine what sort of sign language she'd need to explain what it was she was after.

Not since Molly had been a teenager in east Ham had she spent quite so much time trying to convince herself that she was worrying about her period for nothing nor had she spent so much time trying to make bargains with God or Lady Luck or whoever else might be listening. She couldn't seem to stop running to the loo to check, in fact she went so often she was surprised Charles didn't notice, didn't ask if she had a bad tummy or something. And every time she pulled her knickers down she'd close her eyes and pray there'd be that tell-tale little spot of blood that would tell her she could stop worrying and start enjoying her holiday. And every time there was nothing, she'd be left begging the gods to please just make it that her period was a little bit on the late side and in return she'd never, ever again tell lies or ignore the god squad when they knocked at the door. She'd give all her money to the homeless man with the dog outside Lidl and would be nice to her dad, and she'd even listen to Penny without rolling her eyes. And she'd definitely never, ever risk anything ever again, would insist Charles used a condom as well as her taking her pill, although right at that moment she couldn't imagine ever wanting sex again. Ever.

She knew logically that none of that would actually make any bloody difference at all to anything, but still couldn't seem to stop doing it, the whole thing made her want to scream and shout and do a Millie, to lie on the floor and drum her heels and cry and yell that it wasn't fair. And she couldn't wait to get home to sort what needed to be sorted.

At the beginning she hadn't said anything to him because of not wanting to see the look on his face that said he was happy about something that made her want to yell and scream and tell him she was absolutely bloody sure that happy was the last thing she was. And she didn't want to tell him that she wasn't even sure that she was going to go through with it.

But all that had been weeks ago now and despite the way he kept asking she still hadn't been able to tell him what was wrong even though she knew how much she was worrying him, or rather how much she was pissing him off. And the longer she put it off, the harder it got, until it felt impossible to say anything. She hadn't even said anything to him when not that long after they'd got home all her prayers had been answered She'd had this pain, well actually it had been there on and off ever since they'd got off the plane in Milan, a sort of dull ache in the side of her tummy that hadn't been bad enough to have to take pain killers or anything and thankfully hadn't got any worse, but that hadn't gone away either. And as Charles had just pointed out she'd been sick a bit as well, which had bothered her, especially once she knew it wasn't that she was pregnant. She hadn't got around to doing anything about any of it when the pain she'd had for weeks suddenly seemed to shift itself one morning and got a whole lot worse on the drive back from school. She'd managed to get herself home somehow and had curled up in bed till it was time to go back and fetch them again and had lied to Sam. She'd had no choice. She'd told him she'd got a bad head, said it was a migraine and Sam had been an absolute star. He hadn't pointed out that she didn't get migraines, but had just done what she wasked and watched Livvie for her after the trip to the loo had told her everything that she'd needed to know. That she'd got exactly what she'd wanted when she'd been making all those bargains.

But instead of feeling euphoric with relief that she hadn't got to go and see anyone or do anything that was frightening and felt a bit wrong, she was left feeling incredibly sorry for herself which didn't make any sense. But it felt like it was all her fault. Not that she'd actually done anything except for wishing the whole thing would just go away, and that was exactly what had happened, but knowing there was nothing for her to feel guilty about didn't stop the horrible feeling of being responsible. And she couldn't seem to say anything to Charles. She didn't want to see the look on his face. He'd been shattered the last time it had happened and she hadn't really shared any of that with him either. She'd just put her arms round her misery and hugged it to herself, had shut him out and kept telling him she was fine. She had to because if she started telling him she'd fall apart, but after they'd moved to the Barn they'd finally talked about it properly and she'd promised him faithfully that she would never, ever shut him out like that again. But that was exactly what she'd done. And this time there was this tiny nugget of Sasha induced fear in the mix, fear that he might think it was all for the best.

And the bloody pain in her side was still niggling away whenever she thought about it, which she tried her best not to do. She didn't want to tell him about that either.

There was the sort of silence that people describe as being able to hear a pin drop when she'd finished giving him the edited highlights, where she'd very carefully minimised the whole bloody thing, suddenly knowing as soon as the words started tumbling from her lips just how hurt he was going to be. She knew how she'd feel if it was the other way round and he'd kept a secret like that from her. She'd never ever be able to forgive him.

Charles swallowed hard and blinked a couple of times before slowly shaking his head, suddenly wondering whether there was any way his day could possibly get any worse.

"Not a word … not a single solitary fucking word Moll … all this time and not …"

Of course he'd known there was something, it would have been hard to miss that there was something not right with Molly, but this was a complete bolt out of the blue. Wherever his mind had been for the past few weeks, he hadn't had a clue what had been going on with her. Yes, he'd known full well there was something, but this? Nothing like this.

"I'm sorry …. I know I was wrong and I should have told you…but … I didn't … and then it got hard to say anything … everything were a bit shit and me head was all over the shop … and please say something … don't be mad at me …please"

"I'm not mad at you …" Charles swallowed hard, knowing as well as she did that he was lying, he wasn't only angry, he was incredibly hurt "Hard to believe you didn't tell me, I didn't think we had those sort of secrets …. I thought that we'd agreed not to have any secrets at all … seems I was wrong … seems I've been wrong about a lot of things lately …"

"I've said I'm sorry …. And I am … I really am, I don't know what else I can say … I wish I could go back and change it but I can't now, can I?" Molly gulped "Don't matter how much I wish I could"

"What did the doctor have to say?" He saw the little shake of her head as she bit her lip "Please tell me you did at least go and see him?"

"Nah …. I didn't have to go and see him, did I? There was no need and what would I say? _Sorry doctor but me period was a bit late and then it was a bit on the heavy side… but it's all alright now_ … I mean what do you expect him to do?"

"Maybe just make sure that you're okay" Charles wanted to scream at her "But just out of interest, Moll .. were you ever going to tell me or were you going to do the whole thing on your own?"

"Do what on my own? There was nothing to do, is there and course I was gonna tell you …."

Charles raised his eyebrows in slight disbelief and said nothing.

"Yeah alright, you're right, I probably wouldn't have …. I'm sorry but I thought you was gonna be mad at me and the more I never said anything the more I just wanted it all to go away … I'm sorry"

"I'm not mad at you …"

"Yeah you are …"

"Alright maybe you're right … I am a tad upset, but it's more I'm disappointed Moll…. Not because … well I am, of course I am … but I can't believe all that was going on and you didn't tell me, I feel …. I don't know what I feel, except that I let you down … that I fucked up …"

"You? Nah … you didn't do anything … it was me …. I was the one panicked and fucked everything up … I'm sorry … I wish I hadn't … but I did"

"I know ….… Doctor first thing tomorrow"

"Nah … Charles .. really …there's no point"

"Maybe not, but … just humour me, okay? Shall I come with you?"

"What? Drag me there like I'm one of the kids? You saying you don't trust me to go on me own is that it?"

"Of course I trust you ….." Charles wasn't sure anymore whether that was true "Just promise me that you'll do it … do it for me?"

"Well, I was gonna say it's not that easy to get an appointment just like that … probably have to wait a few days but I promise I'll try"

"Try really hard … okay?" Charles made a concerted effort to try and smile before he crouched down again and began shuffling tins around on the bottom shelf of the larder looking for the distinctive colour of the baked bean tins, he wasn't sure whether he wanted to hug her or not "I'd better get on and do this gourmet lunch, or maybe I should yell for Sam, it'd be good practice for him"

"He told you then?"

"Yup … must say it'll be bloody useful to have one person in this family who can cook … it'll make a nice change"

"I can cook …" Molly giggled, relieved that he seemed to be going for a deliberate change of subject even though their conversation was strained to say the least "I might not be the best at it … but then neither are you"

"Can you really? Cook I mean? I haven't seen any evidence of that …" Charles ignored what she'd said about his own abilities in the kitchen, which were actually on a par with hers.

"Fuck off … you're no better at it … what do you think of this idea of Sam's?"

"If that's what he wants …"

"Lady Penelope isn't gonna like it"

"Well there is that …" He chuckled "Every cloud and that …."

"Charles, that's not funny …"

"Yes it is"

He was still picking up tins and moving them about but without really seeing any of them clearly. Every instinct was telling him to go for a long run on his own, to get away from all of it and use the time doing what he'd always done when he needed to think things through. He needed to lose himself in a punishingly hard run, he needed to run until he was dripping with sweat and at the same time trying to sort his head out. He wasn't sure how he felt about any of it, Sam, and all this shit with Molly, her keeping something so important from him was something that filled him with a sense of betrayal and he needed to get away and think about what the fuck had been going on with his family while he hadn't been taking enough notice. It all seemed to have fallen apart around him while he'd been so bloody wrapped up in his own issues that he hadn't even noticed.

-OG-

"He says I gotta have a scan … you know, just to make sure everything's okay …"

On the whole Molly was glad she was sitting in the car in the surgery car park on her phone rather than face to face with him, she was going to have to get her face under some sort of control before she saw him. The last thing she wanted was for him to see that she'd been crying. She'd been sitting there for ages torturing herself by jumping to a whole lot of very frightening conclusions that hadn't been helped by the bland non-committal expression on the bloody man's face when she'd asked him why he thought she needed a scan. It had scared her shitless that he hadn't really given her any possible explanations for the pain that wasn't that bad but that wouldn't go away, not completely. The pain that she still hadn't said a word about to Charles. And then she'd moved from deciding on the worst possible diagnosis to doing her best to work out who was going to help him look after the children if something happened to her.

It was another fucking secret that she wished she hadn't kept. And this was as if she'd deliberately lied to him, she'd had every chance to tell him about it when she'd told him the rest and she hadn't. But as soon as she'd mentioned it casually to the doctor and he'd immediately said about the scan she'd started shitting herself. As soon as she'd opened her mouth and said it out loud, it had stopped being something she could tell herself was her imagining it and became real, something that was going to frighten the shit out of him as much as it did her.

"Just got to do a hand over here then I'll be on my way, what time do we have to be there? I'll give mum a call and she can come over to see to the kids .."

"Hang on … there's no point coming rushing home … the surgery are gonna call when they've sorted an appointment …but that could take days, and anyway you don't have to come with me you know …. I'm a big girl now…."

"I know you are … and I know I don't have to come with you but I want to … okay?" He ran his hand over the back of his neck, she'd sent him a text to say she'd managed to get an appointment and it had been a very long morning.

"Yeah okay …" Molly paused, suddenly unsure whether to say the words she always used to say when she rang him at work. Everything still felt a bit strained, but on the other hand she really didn't want to go on her own, even though she knew there was a good chance he was going to find out she hadn't been entirely honest "I do love you"

"Ditto …"

"Ditto?" Molly did her best to produce a giggle that she hoped would sound genuine as she repeated the words they'd so often said to one another over the years "I was expecting something a bit more romantic than _ditto_ …"

"Be grateful for what you get …" Charles snorted a short laugh down his nose "You'll have to wait until I get home if you want something a bit more romantic … now there are a lot of people here who are listening and the last thing I want is for them to think I'm a soft touch"

Molly could hear the smile in his voice, something that had been missing ever since he'd pushed her into making an appointment to see the doctor. They'd been nice to one another for the rest of the day, had been kind and considerate and patient with the children, even when Millie and Marcus had reverted to their usual bickering over the Lego and had smiled at each other a lot, but she knew that no matter how good he was at hiding behind a mask, he was hurt. There was a gulf opened up between them which she hadn't got the first idea how to heal. But she couldn't keep on begging him not to be angry or keep on saying sorry, not when it already felt like she'd been saying it till she was purple in the face and he just kept on telling her not to worry and that everything was okay, but this was the first time he sounded as if he was himself.

"Course you are … there's not a lot of people know that about you … but I 'spect them lot do …"

"Rubbish …. they're all afraid of me ….and with very good reason" Molly could hear the chuckle in his voice as he dropped his voice until he was almost whispering, trying to make sure no-one could overhear "Call me if they call you … promise?"

"Yeah .… I will … bye …"

"Promise me?"

"Yeah, I promise"

-OG-

_**A/N: Thanks to everyone who is still following this and sorry for the long delay in updating … as you know I got caught up in writing something else at the same time (always a bit of a mistake) and have had to be very strict with myself about putting that to one side to concentrate on my little family in the Barn … thank you for your reviews and kind comments and I know this chapter was a bit intense and angsty but I promise that things can only get better .. and thanks as usual to my mate Flossy for all her unstinted patience and support … and her ability to tell me when to get over myself … **_


	8. Chapter 8

_**A/N: This is probably the longest break I've ever had since I started writing about Molly and CJ and I know it's a very long chapter, but as I said it's been a while and I really wanted to get back into writing about life at the Barn … I hope you'll enjoy being back there and as usual enormous thanks go to Flossy for being such an invaluable support and also for stopping me making any glaring continuity errors, she'll know what I'm talking about. **_

-OG-

"Stop it"

"Stop what?"

"You know what, stop looking at me like that …"

"What … I'm not allowed to look at you now? Come on Dawsey"

"'n stop calling me that 'n all … just … just pack it in, will you?"

"Hey …" He put his hands up as if he was defending himself "Alright … alright, okay … sorry … I was just trying to … never mind … listen … are you listening to me? You know you're going to be fine … okay? … just trust me, it's all going to be absolutely fine … you'll see"

"Oh is it? Oh good … we can go 'ome now then …" Molly made as if to stand up before she sat down again with a thump and a huge sigh "Sorry if I'm pissing you off, but I didn't ask you to come, did I? It was you wanted to … I'd of been alright on me own" She knew she was being thoroughly unreasonable and that it wasn't actually helping, especially as he was only trying to help, but she couldn't seem to stop lashing out at him even if it was making her feel guilty at the same time. Okay, he was being a dick but none of it was his fault.

"When exactly was it you got your medical degree? You're gonna 'ave to remind me again … I seem to 'ave forgot"

"Okay, fair enough … Hey, come on … this is not like you …" He was doing his best to laugh, but even to his ears it sounded fake and strained and as there was nothing amusing as he slung his arm round her shoulders and dropped a kiss on top of her head "Hey … doesn't matter, I'll forgive you just this once … as long as you don't make a habit of it"

"Forgive me for what? That's bloody big of you..." Molly could hear Chloe at her most petulant coming out of her own mouth and tried to put the brakes on and to force her lips into a convincingly reassuring smile. It wasn't helping her being bloody impossible to please but she was far too twitchy to worry about being cheerful and optimistic for anyone else. Especially as his seemingly irritating unlimited patience was getting on her bloody nerves. It was making her want to scream.

"Just _don't …_ alright? Stop … stop bloody trying to make it all better … you can't, and … there's nothing funny so stop trying to make me laugh 'n all, I'll pee meself if I do…"

Molly wasn't surprised at having to wait, she'd never yet been seen on time for any hospital appointment and had always thought they gave you a time more as an optimistic estimate than anything else. Especially when you're booked for a scan and this time they'd been 'slotted in' so fuck knows how long they were going to have to wait. She'd been sort of resigned to it until they'd checked in and found the usually crowded waiting area was virtually empty. Just for once she'd been really hopeful she wasn't going to have to sit there for ages busting for the loo, especially as she'd done as she was told and drunk what felt like half the bloody Thames. She was now desperately longing for them to just get on with it, although admittedly the longer the wait the more time she had before she had to face whatever it was waiting for her. Charles was obviously expecting her usual 'It's all good, I'm fine, don't worry about me' act, well why wouldn't he? It was what she did, but not this time when she didn't feel even the tiniest bit brave, couldn't even fake it. And now all the initial optimism about being seen quickly had faded away as well, leaving her wishing more than anything that she could escape. She wanted to go home and go to bed and pull the duvet over her head and pretend that none of it was happening.

There'd been just a couple of women waiting when they'd got there, which was a bit of a miracle in itself because every other time she'd been it had been jam packed to the bloody rafters. But that was already a very long twenty minutes ago and nothing was bloody happening, so it was starting to look as though only one of them was working. And that she'd gone for a tea break or something.

"You can go if you want … you really don't need to wait 'ere with me, I'll be fine on me own … go and get a coffee and a paper or… something, there's that place by where we came in … l'll come and find you after … when I've been to the bloody loo"

"I'm not going anywhere … I've already told you I'm not going to let you out of my sight so you're just going to have to put up with me, aren't you? Now stop thinking about needing a wee and think about something else"

"Bloody easy for you to say …"

"I know …" He gave a little shake of his head and snorted a laugh. Charles was infinitely glad she couldn't see the extent of the anxiety gnawing away at him in the pit of his stomach. The icy cold hand of dread had been clutching at him ever since she'd told him that their GP wanted her to go for a scan. ASAP. All his years in the army meant he was supposed to be good at confronting problems, at dealing with them and controlling outcomes, was supposed to be brave for fuck sake, but now couldn't remember the last time he'd felt anything like this level of sheer bloody fear. It wasn't that he was a stranger to worrying about her, Molly had been scaring the living shit out of him ever since he'd first met her, but this? This was something else entirely. And was way out of their control. But he was determined not to let her see how downright bloody scared he was.

"Hey … lucky me … I've got a lovely chat with Rebecca to look forward to later … I can't wait to hear how totally thrilled she's going to be with Sammie's news, our son doing a catering apprenticeship is _exactly _the sort of thing she had in mind for him when he left school …." He laughed and nudged Molly who was finding it increasingly difficult to stop doing what Nan called bodging about. It would have earned her a slap and an accusation of having ants in her pants, but she was desperately trying to get comfortable on the hard plastic chair. Not only did she badly need a pee but her knickers had somehow got themselves wedged up her bum which was adding significantly to the discomfort.

"Don't let her talk to him then, will you? He's worked up enough already and just cos Lady Penelope don't think it's something to hang the bloody flags out over don't mean she's right, it's what Sam wants 'n that's all that matters, innit? …I really hope he's gonna be okay, I mean I'm sure he'll be fine as long as he don't start telling them how he's bloody rubbish at everything … 'ere, you don't think they might have forgot about me, do you?"

"No, I'm sure they haven't … it won't be much longer … there you go …"

"_Molly James" _

The receptionist who had been whispering in a huddle with her mates broke off to call Molly in a surprisingly loud voice bearing in mind the place was almost empty. Hearing her name suddenly being bellowed in a place that was cathedral quiet made Molly jump and then feel she should say sorry for queue jumping to the two girls still sitting there patiently waiting. It had got nothing to do with her, she knew that, but that didn't stop her feeling like telling them she didn't mind if one or other or even both of them went in front of her.

"It's alright … you can wait 'ere …"

"_Molly _…"

"Okay, okay …I know …"

It was alright for him getting all shitty, his legs probably didn't feel like they were made of jelly and he wasn't shaking so much he needed to take a couple of seconds and a deep breath before he could even stand up. It was hard to simply remember how to put one foot in front of the other which was bloody ridiculous, she'd been doing it all her life, but she didn't usually have to try really hard not to wet herself. His hand on the small of her back was urging her to keep following the girl in a white coat, or maybe it was making sure she didn't escape, but she felt like she was in the middle of the sort of dream you can't wake up from. But despite feeling like she was going to throw up any second, she managed to do as she was told and get up on the bed like some bleeding robot. She couldn't remember ever being so horribly bloody scared before, except for maybe when she'd been in a ditch in Afghan and some bastard sniper had been trying to kill her, but now, like then, it was far too late for her to get away from it. Charles parked his bum on the chair next to her and stretched his long legs out in front of him, doing his level best to look all unconcerned. He leaned over and put a comforting hand on her arm and she was suddenly glad he'd taken no bloody notice of her when she told him to go, it would have been even more shit on her own. He'd got his usual blank expression but just for a split second she saw how hard he was working to keep up the appearance of being nonchalantly unbothered.

-OG-

"A cyst … what the … I mean, what does that even mean?" She took a deep breath and swallowed hard but the word 'cancer' stayed unspoken.

"It's a very common problem … it's what your doctor suspected and is really nothing for you to worry about Mrs James … or can I call you Molly?"

"Yeah … course … I mean, if you want … but what is it?"

"As I said, it's a tiny collection of fluid on your ovary…"

Molly couldn't remember hearing her say anything like that, she'd heard her say it was a cyst and was common and nothing for her to get het up about, but she hadn't said anything about anything else. Had she? Although admittedly it had been a bit if a struggle getting her head round it. To take it all in. The girl in the white coat who surely wasn't old enough to have left school, had said sorry they'd been kept hanging about, but hadn't sounded sorry at all, had just sounded bored as she tucked a paper cloth into the top of Molly's knickers and had said what her name was. It had simply gone in one ear and out the other. All Molly could hear was the little voice in her own head screaming to please could they just bloody well get with it. Get it over with.

She'd spent weeks being convinced the pain was something sinister and now nothing was making any bloody sense. She couldn't read anything from the expression on Charles' face, no surprises there, he was busy watching Helen or Helena or Helenka or whatever the fuck her bloody name was. She was still looking vaguely bored, as if she was impatient for them to just bloody shove off and let her get on to the next one, but somehow Molly didn't think it was unusual for her to have to repeat herself because people didn't bloody listen, or like her, didn't take it in first time she told them something.

"Are you sure … you know … sure it's nothing … _else_?"

Helga heaved a big sigh and quickly ran her eyes over the notes. It looked like she was just checking to make sure she hadn't got anything wrong before she turned to Molly with her best professional 'dealing with an idiot' smile pasted on her face.

"Yes, I am … I'm absolutely sure … your own doctor will get a full report of course, but … it really is nothing for you to worry about, ovarian cysts don't usually cause too many problems … only occasionally do you get the sort of pain you've been experiencing … you'll need to go and talk to your own doctor and I'm sure he'll be more than happy to answer any questions and to put your mind at rest … but …most of the time cysts associated with pregnancies, even failed pregnancies…" She stopped and looked over at them, suddenly aware her choice of words might have been very insensitive "Sorry … they just go away on their own so you're not even aware you've had one … your doctor will want to keep an eye on it and you'll be having regular checks to make sure there's no need for treatment … but you really can stop worrying"

-OG-

"Better?"

"Yeah ta, held on so bloody long I couldn't get going and then thought I was never gonna stop … was a bit like an 'orse …" Molly giggled, suddenly everything seemed funny "Made me eyes water 'n all"

"Lovely … but …" He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, before he shook his head and put his hands on her shoulders and then turned her to face him, keeping his hands where they were "You… are … very, very lucky I'm so easy going …."

"YOU?"

"Indeed, and that I'm the forgiving type …. I thought we'd agreed there'd be no more secrets, so why the fuck didn't you tell me about this pain?"

"Oh yeah, that … well, weren't that bad … not really … and seems better now anyway" As she said it Molly realised that the pain that had been scaring her shitless seemed to have miraculously melted away somewhere, which made her feel like she'd been being really stupid, had been letting worry and panic get to her "Yeah, well, okay maybe it was bothering me a bit, but didn't wanna worry you, did I?"

Any vain hope she'd been harbouring that if she said nothing then in the euphoria of finding out she wasn't going to pop her clogs any time soon, Charles might just forget all about the bloody girl shooting her mouth off about pain she'd neglected to mention. She'd been aware of the way the muscles in his back had gone all tight when the girl had said it.

"Molly James … are you listening to me? If you ever do anything like that _ever_ again …" He gulped and swallowed hard "Let me leave you in no doubt that I'll put you over my knee … understood?"

"Yes boss …what … like a bit of fifty shades, d'you mean?"

"No. I. Don't" For some reason he wasn't laughing "Now repeat after me … I …"

"Okay … I …"

"Promise …"

"Promise…" She grinned up at him then giggled, still full of the euphoria of knowing that all that horrible _certainty _had all turned out to be for absolutely nothing "God you're bossy … can't put me on a charge though, can you?"

"Mores the bloody pity"

"I said I'm sorry …"

"I should bloody think so …"

"Don't be mad at me …"

Suddenly to Molly it seemed light years since almost every waking moment there'd been this horrible niggling worry in her head about how long she'd got before she had to face what she'd been sure was the truth. The more she'd thought about it the worse it had got, and that was true of the pain as well, and even when she'd been rushed off her feet with other stuff and had tried not to think about it, it was bloody there. Eventually it seemed there was no other possible explanation. It wasn't she was being a coward, or at least she didn't think she was, but the thought of what was likely going to happen to her, although bad enough, wasn't as bloody terrifying as the thought of what the fuck was going to happen to the kids. And Charles. Alright he'd cope, she knew that, but even so it would be without her. And now it seemed that all that time spent worrying had been for nothing, well not for nothing exactly, but she was still almost dizzy with relief.

"Of course I'm not mad at you … although no-one would blame me if I was, but you'd better mean it this time and you'd better not have your fingers crossed either Mrs James … I know what you're like … now, shall we go home?"

"Yeah … I 'spose" Molly looked longingly at the café just inside the main entrance, suddenly the idea of a very large cup of tea was incredibly appealing, it didn't feel as if she'd had the patience to sit still long enough to really enjoy a cuppa for ages. Or to sit and eat anything either, and suddenly she very badly wanted a scone or a tea cake or something, a bit of afternoon tea "Do they do stuff to go d'you think?"

"One way to find out …."

They both knew perfectly well they should be on the way home to rescue Penny, it was more than two hours since she'd picked the kids up from school and Molly's guilty conscience told her that the old hag would be tearing her hair out by now. She'd be checking her watch every two minutes. But ten minutes more wasn't going to make much difference, was it? The tea was very hot and very strong and maybe a bit over brewed but it tasted like nectar to Molly and was obviously infinitely better than the pale khaki coloured coffee that Charles described as unspeakably fucking dreadful. The way he said it and the face he pulled when he took a sip had her in further fits of giggles, but even as she laughed she could feel tears of relief prickling at the backs of her eyes. At least she presumed it was relief, there seemed to be a fine line between finding everything fucking hilarious and wanting to put her head down on the table and bawl her bloody eyes out.

"You okay?"

"Yeah … course … why wouldn't I be? … Nah … look, sorry … don't know why I'm being so bloody stupid …" Molly bit her lip and put her head back doing her best to will the tears back to where they'd come from "It's all been a bit rubbish, hasn't it?"

"Yup … certainly has… "

"Scared the bloody shit out of me … all this … I thought it was the end"

"I know you did…" He put a hand on her fingers and tightened them to stop her fiddling with the sugar packs on the table and then turned her hand over and stroked his thumb along the inside of her wrist "You really should have told me, Moll … I can't believe you didn't … why didn't you? And please don't shrug your shoulders"

"I'm not …. Alright maybe I am … I dunno … really … I don't … not sure what it is you want me to say"

"It's not what I _want_ you to say, Molly … I want the truth … I do know how shit things have been the last few months …" He looked down at the table top and then moved both his hands to clasp the cup of undrinkable coffee before he looked back at her "But it's all over and done with now … isn't it?" He paused and raised his eyebrows "You know how sorry I am, don't you?"

"What for? Wasn't your fault, none of it … not even all that crap with bloody whatshername … and I know that if anyone's to blame for all this it's me … I was the one didn't tell you … didn't say … but everything just felt all wrong 'n I s'pose I was waiting for it to sort itself out and then the longer I didn't say, the more wrong it got and I think I knew it wasn't all gonna go away, but…"

"Oh Moll … is it okay now, I mean, are we okay?"

"Yeah … except you heard what she said about them keeping an eye …" Molly stopped, aware that he had no bloody idea what had been going on in her head before all the dramatics. He didn't know how she'd been feeling because why the fuck would he, she hadn't told him, had she?

"I still don't understand how this all happened …" Charles snorted "I thought the pill meant things were under control … but it would seem I got that wrong, and …well, I've given it some thought and I think you're right, it's time I did something about making sure it doesn't happen again …"

"What? You gonna give up having sex then?"

"Yup … smartarse … you know exactly what I'm talking about …"

"Yeah …"

"So … are you sure you're okay now?" He watched as Molly nodded "Then why doesn't it sound like it?"

"Yeah … course I am, I mean I'm over the bleeding moon it's not my turn to be jackpotted … goes without sayin' dunnit?"

"Just a bit" Charles put his hand over hers again where she was back to fiddling with the sugar packs and saw the familiar expression of doubt cross her face "Come on, spit it out, I can hear a _but _in there somewhere …_"_

"Nah you can't … yeah alright maybe a bit, it was just before all this …" She waved her hand about "I kept thinking … none of it was how I thought it was going to be … oh I had everything I wanted, you, the kids, got the nice house, even the bloody dog I didn't know I wanted till I got one … but…" Molly pulled a face to acknowledge that he'd been right and there was a _but_ "But the one thing I never wanted was to turn into me mum … I really thought I'd have a proper career and … oh I dunno, don't matter …"

"Yes of course it does … tell me"

"Sometimes I just used to wanna scream and shut the bloody door on it all and run away … and then … well, there was that bloody girl and then Italy and then this and it made me think …" Molly gulped, suddenly the tears that had been trying to escape were trying again, even harder this time. Shit what was wrong with her, she was feeling sorry for herself when she'd just found out there was no reason, and the last thing she wanted was for it to be some sort of "feel sorry for me" shit. And she hadn't been the only one who'd had a hard time, he had as well, all that stuff at work and then having to get things back on track, so her throwing hissy fits over things he couldn't do anything about would have been just plain selfish "I just … felt like I wanted to go back to work … properly … and … to wear a bikini … and" Molly gulped again and swallowed hard "I wanted things to be … different … 'n I didn't want Lady Penelope coming over 'ere for Sam's 18th and looking down her bloody nose at me again …"

"Oh Moll, she's jealous of you"

"Yeah right …why's that then? I know … it's cos I won first prize and got you … is that it?"

"No of course not, you know I didn't mean that … she's jealous because you're you … you're very beautiful and … we've got a wonderful family … and I don't think she's particularly happy, I know she's got what she wanted but nothing ever seems good enough for Rebecca" He took a deep breath and bit his lip "I mean, we are still happy, aren't we?"

"Yeah, most of the time" Molly raised her eyebrows, no-one in their right mind would describe the last few months as being happy.

Trouble was now she'd started telling him it was hard to stop, there was all this stuff he didn't understand, how she'd made a mess of everything. And that even though the sensible bit of her knew it was complete bollocks, that it was a matter of pure chance, a fluke if you like, she hadn't been able to stop thinking all of this had been some sort of payback from Lady Luck for being so bloody ungrateful for what she'd got.

"Are you sure, sounds to me a bit … are you saying you want to leave? Is that it? Come on Moll, help me out here …. I do need to know"

"Nah … course not, I mean … someone asked me once what I'd change if I got the chance to do it over and I told him I'd change it all … and he asked me if that meant I'd still love you … and that is one thing I'd never change… "

"Thank god for that … you had me worried there for a bit"

She was looking down at the pile of sugar packets on the table and had started moving them to make patterns as she bit her lip and then looked up at him with her green eyes full of worry that he was upset. Which he was. But if he was being honest, he'd have to admit it was because he really hadn't had the first idea of how she'd been feeling, except looking back he could remember times when she had tried to tell him. He'd been fucking guilty of taking her for granted and all this had underlined for him just how he felt about her, sitting there in her striped 'T' shirt with an anxious look on her face she didn't look a day older than the day he first met her. She was still the absolute beat of his heart. All he wanted was to make it right, he just wasn't sure how or where to start.

"You know he'll have a heart attack if you turn up for work in a bikini, don't you? And then you'd have to do mouth to mouth and resuscitate him …"

"Don't think so … overweight sleazeballs don't do it for me, never have … funny that, innit?"

"Lovely, what you'd let him die then? Well at least that way I wouldn't have to find him and beat him up"

"Prannet …"

"I know … hey, come on … I hate to say it but we really do need to crack on, the kids will need rescuing by now … God knows what she'll have them doing … they'll be cleaning the fucking silver if we leave her there much longer …" He snorted a laugh down his nose "And she'll have Livvie out of nappies and potty trained by the time we get home"

"Oh good …. What do you reckon? Will another couple of hours do it?" Molly couldn't even get worked up at the thought of what the fuck Penny would have been up to, she'd definitely have been through everything she could lay her bloody mitts on, would have read everything that wasn't actually locked away "And in case you've forgot we 'aven't got any silver …. Anyway, it'll be the other way round, little buggers will be holding her 'ostage … might gonna need to rescue poor Patchey though, he'll be hiding under one of the beds"

"I know the feeling …"

"Oh dear …now you're making me 'eart bleed"

-OG-


	9. Chapter 9

_**A/N: Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews and kind comments – the Barn is somewhere that keeps drawing me back, I get this urge to see how they're doing and what is going on in their lives – I know, they are fiction, but sometimes they seem as real to me as people I actually know … sad case … and as usual huge thanks to Flossy.**_

_**-OG-**_

If anyone had asked her before today Molly knew she'd have told them that she'd be over the bloody moon if the whole sodding nightmare was just gone, if it was over and done with, but she wasn't. Maybe because it was freezing cold outside and lovely and warm in the car but instead of feeling like singing and dancing, she couldn't stop bloody yawning. She was having a hard job to keep her bloody eyes open, they were sore and stinging from watering so much and all she could feel was this overpowering urge to give in and just close them. Rest them and switch her brain off, give that a little rest and all. It seemed like a lifetime since she'd last been able to just have a proper sleep and not worry about anything.

Even when she'd been worn out from the kids, or run ragged all day by everything else it hadn't been enough, maybe because it had been playing on her mind the whole time and not even scrubbing every square inch of the sodding kitchen every day had helped, well except for her kitchen floor had never been so fucking clean. It hadn't mattered it wasn't a tad grubby, she'd kept on cleaning it over and over until you could probably have eaten your dinner off it if you'd wanted to. It had really seemed to matter that she could put her hand on her heart and swear there wasn't a single speck of grot anywhere. Not that anyone apart from her gave a single shit, but cleaning was what she did when she felt she had no other control over what was happening, she'd always done it. It had been her _go to _right from when she was a kid in east Ham because somehow it had helped her feel she was doing _something_, and even though she'd known it was total bollocks she hadn't been able to stop and looking back now she could see it might have been being just a tad obsessive. It had never been going to do much to help, had it? But to be fair it always used to make her feel tons better, just not this time. And then, no matter how bloody knackered she was, she couldn't sleep. She'd drop off okay, would fall asleep before the springs hit the floor but would wake up in a muck sweat from dreams that scared the shit out of her, then couldn't risk it closing her eyes again. In case they came back. She'd just lie there in the dark and wait out for it to be time to get up again, trying not to move about and fidget because there was no point in disturbing Charles and him being awake as well. Night after night of the exact same thing.

And now her eyes were so flaming heavy that she couldn't help just resting them for a second to stop the stinging, and next thing she knew she was trying to force her slitty eyes open again outside the Barn. She'd been asleep, had bloody gone out like a light and had slept the whole way home but without even talking to him about what the fuck they were going to say to his bloody mother, let alone agreeing.

"Oh … sorry… shit … shitting hell … sorry … think I nodded off" She ran a hand over her face and did her best to sit up straight and open her eyes properly, she was trying to sort of look as though she was wide awake, which wasn't exactly easy when her eyes still felt like lead.

"Really? I hadn't noticed … not until you started snoring anyway"

"I don't snore … 'n you shouldn't of let me…"

"Why not? Early night tonight for you I think Dawsey … come on, deep breath and chin up, it's no good keep trying to put it off … sooner or later we've got to go in and face the General's report, we're going to have to find out what crimes have been committed and which of our little treasures is guilty of what … my money's on Millie"

"Really? Why ever would you think that?"

"I have no idea"

He was still laughing as he walked round to her side of the car and then stood with his hand on top of the open door waiting patiently for her to get out. Now that the whole bloody nightmare was over and the adrenaline that had been flooding him earlier had drained away he felt almost as exhausted as Molly obviously had, and coupled with a profound sense of relief he could think of nothing he'd like better than to just put his head down and close his eyes. But the smile on his face belied the sinking sensation in his guts, if there was one thing his mother was outstandingly good at, it was airing unspoken disapproval. Over the years she'd been left in no doubt that airing criticisms of Molly wasn't going to get her anywhere, that he'd always refuse to listen to a single word of it, but her feelings would be plain to see. It would be written all over her face that she wasn't at all happy that they hadn't actually told her why they needed her to babysit.

But Molly wasn't making any move to get out of the car, her seat belt was still fastened and she was looking up at him with red-rimmed eyes full of anxiety and an appalled expression on her face. She was actually bloody furious with herself, what the fuck had she thought she was doing dropping off and having a nice little sleep like that, when they hadn't even begun to sort what the fuck they were going to say to the old trout? She couldn't believe she could be so stupid or that he could have let her. He knew as well as she did that the old hag was nosy as fuck at the best of time, and now for the second time in as many hours Molly had this horrible feeling of a tidal wave of doom coming for her, one she couldn't begin to outrun. It was not going to be easy to fob the old bag off, it wasn't like they could pretend it was nothing unusual for them to ask her to look after the kids, not when it was usually an _over my dead body_ kind of thing.

"You will keep your trap bloody shut, won't you? Don't say anything, nothing at all, not about any of it, not to her, not a bloody dickie … I don't want you to tell her… alright?"

"Hey, hey hold on, whoa … I'm not about to say anything to her … why would I? Give me some credit, Moll … it's none of her fucking business … I know that"

She could see from the look on his face that she'd really hurt him, an expression that he quickly masked with his usual dead-pan expression before he ran a hand over the top of his head. But even before she'd finished having her panic and saying all that shit, Molly wished she could take the words back. That really wasn't fair. It wasn't like he was given to running his bloody mouth to anyone, but especially not his mother, and now she'd opened her big gob and said stuff that had hurt him because she hadn't been thinking properly. Actually, she was dead sorry about all of it, everything, for the whole way things had been recently. No matter what he thought, it wasn't that she didn't love him anymore, or trust him not to do things or say things or anything like that, nothing had changed, it was just sometimes she forgot. How much she loved him had got lost somewhere. It had all been so shit since the summer, one bloody thing after the other and she'd stopped noticing they didn't laugh together anymore like they used to. Everything had been a bit crap, he missed the army and hated his job and she'd known how he felt even if he didn't tell her very much, he didn't want her to worry she knew that, and there'd been all the trouble with Sam and then Millie and there'd been that Sasha stuff and then Italy and now all this shit. But sharing your life with someone the way they had and for as long as they had meant lives got tangled up together and they had been happy. Really happy. And sad sometimes, and ill, and worried and all the rest, even sometimes had been very drunk together so it was bloody hard now thinking how she'd deliberately set out to hide stuff from him. And that she still wasn't telling him everything.

"You and I on the other hand have got a lot more talking to do, lady, we're going to have to make some changes round here …" He ran his hand through the curls on the back of his neck, tugging at them "But not till she's gone home"

"Sorry … I never meant … I just … reckon it'd do me nut in if I 'ad to talk about it anymore right now" She wanted to add especially to your bloody mother. She doesn't think I'm good enough for you as it is, never has, and I don't want to give her any more excuses to think I'm rubbish. But saying anything else would risk making more waves than she already had.

-OG-

"Thanks Mum … everything been okay?"

"DADDY"

Mille had been at the kitchen table kicking the table leg in a deliberate attempt to be annoying while she re-arranged the coloured pencils in her pencil box with a decidedly sulky expression on her face. Until she caught sight of him and clambered off her chair in a desperate rush to get to him, dropping the pencil box and totally ignoring the way pencils were rolling everywhere and clattering to the floor. She flung her arms round him and buried her head in his stomach for all the world as if she hadn't seen him for months.

"Hey Button … careful"

The impact of her bullet-hard head going crashing into his stomach made him wince and take an involuntary step backwards.

It was just by chance that it had already been arranged for Marcus to play with a friend after school, which was one less for Molly to worry about, she knew Marcus wouldn't be happy being left with his grandmother, but Sam was conspicuous by his absence so was presumably hiding upstairs somewhere. He hadn't mentioned plans to be out, but that didn't mean he hadn't changed his mind and got out of the firing line when Penny had appeared. Chloe had apparently been wrestling with a homework task and had been frowning and chewing on her bottom lip in a brilliantly acted display of puzzled concentration. It was an act she had perfected and was one Molly didn't buy for a single second, so the performance, which had been for her Grandmother's benefit, stopped and instead she heaved a deeply martyred sigh and began to pick up the pencils.

"Have you been a good girl for your Gran?"

Charles knew it was a bloody ridiculous thing to ask even as he said it, that even if she'd been a complete little monster she wasn't going to tell him that, was she? He didn't know why he'd said it, maybe in the vain hope that there'd been some sort of minor miracle and Millie had spent the time polishing her halo. Highly unlikely as that was. Millie was frantically nodding her head and clinging to him like a limpet before she moved it in order to narrow her eyes and glare over her shoulder at her sister. To give Chloe what Molly called _the evils_.

Chloe completely ignored whatever the message was that Millie was trying to send and made a big production out of heaving a big sigh and dramatically closing the lid on Millie's pencil box. There was an air of self-righteous anticipation about her as she took a deep breath and prepared to launch into filling him in on whatever the fuck had been going on. It was bloody obvious to him from Millie's welcome and the look she'd just given Chloe that something had, and the way Chloe was almost bursting with a need to tell him all about it from somewhere on the moral high ground. None of it was in any way an unusual situation where the two of them were concerned, but it was one that made his heart sink every time. Molly always insisted it was totally normal between sisters, that she and her two had been far, far worse. However, growing up as an only child, he loathed it. He'd have loved to have had brothers, or a sister or two, almost as much as Molly always insisted she'd have killed to be an only when she was growing up.

"No she wasn't Daddy … she was dead naughty … she was rude to Gran … and Gran bought us some sweets and Millie spat hers out…said they tasted like poo and that she hated them and they made her feel sick … and then ..." Chloe had to stop speaking to take a much needed breath.

"TELL TALE TIT …. I hate you Chloe … we all hate you … EVERYONE does"

"Stop it … Millie, stop that this minute, you don't mean it so please don't say it … have you forgotten already what I said to you the other day? No-one hates anyone in this family … now pack it in, both of you"

"But that's not fair, Daddy … I didn't do anything … I haven't done anything … you can ask Gran if you don't believe me, it was Millie was naughty, not me … and that's not fair … she always gets away with stuff … Mummy... it's not fair …" Chloe's voice was now a high pitched wail about it all being unfair.

"I know … later Clo …we'll talk about it later on …but that's enough now … go 'n stick the kettle on for me there's a good girl, I'm gagging for a cuppa …"

Molly pulled her best and '_shut the fuck up NOW' _face at Chloe who was huffing and muttering furiously to herself at the unfairness of her parents at the same time as treating Millie to her own version of _the evils_. Molly actually had every sympathy with her, she could still distinctly remember what it felt like to have no-one want to listen to her when the others had been naughty, it used to seem like they only wanted to listen when it was her was the naughty one. But ask her Gran? Not a fucking chance in hell. There was no way she was going to ask the old trout anything, or even get into any of it in front of her, not if she could help it. Whatever had gone on she could do without having to sort it with Penny still sitting there with that sour look on her face. Judging. And you could bet your sweet life it wouldn't be Golden Balls getting any share of the blame, he was always bleeding perfect as far as his mum was concerned, could never do anything wrong for her. His mum that wasn't showing any sign of thinking of going home.

Charles was pretending not to hear what Millie was muttering furiously into his stomach, and put his hand out to ruffle Chloe's hair, and smiled sympathetically at her as she jerked her head away indignantly. Molly rolled her eyes at him and plucked a grizzling and decidedly less than fragrant Livvie out of her highchair, and cpouldn't help raising her eyebrows and carefully not looking at Penny, seemed her idea of babysitting didn't quite stretch to changing shitty bums. Charles who was still wearing Millie round his waist put his hands out to take her and Molly bit her lip and tried not to laugh at his sharp intake of breath at the smell emanating from a blissfully unaware Livvie. She had no idea she was ripe enough to be making eyes water but immediately stopped grizzling and began to crow and clutch at his face. She squashed his cheeks in both her fat little hands and tried to pull his head round to look at her as she grinned happily showing off her two teeth and babbling "Dadadadadad" Molly heard Charles laugh the first really genuine laugh she'd heard for ages as she stopped fiddling around with the tea bags and looked over at him before going back to avoiding looking at Penny and working on dredging up a sincere smile for her from somewhere. She was still waiting to hear the old bag start giving Charles a blow by blow of what had gone on, it definitely wasn't like her not to have an opinion and all this waiting didn't come easy to Molly. She kept trying to tell herself that it couldn't be that bad, no-one had died, had they? And no-one had packed their bags and left either, not even the dog judging from the racket he was kicking up from wherever he was shut in. The last thing she really wanted was to have to listen to an action replay from Penny's point of view because it would be bloody hard to keep her gob from saying things. Just because. She turned her forced smile back in Penny's direction and took a deep breath "Cuppa?" She'd have loved to have added '_before you get off home_' but couldn't be that unforgivably rude, it would be a bad example for the kids, as well as being sodding ungrateful, she really did have to keep telling herself that Penny had been doing them a favour. And, nothing lasts forever, does it? Even when it feels like it, eventually she really would get on her broomstick. And go. But fuck only knew what Millie was going to come out with but she was going to have to be made to say sorry to Penny, it was the right thing.

"Millie … Listen to me … I want you to be a good girl and tell your Gran how sorry you are for being silly and … rude"

Molly used her "_and don't bloody mess with me" voice, _she wanted to say and don't even think of arguing and saying you're not sorry, but didn't because of not wanting to give her any ideas, instead she contented herself with giving Millie the _look, _the one Nan had taught her. It was something she'd always sworn she wouldn't do before she had kids of her own. But she needn't have bothered, it was wasted on the little so-and-so who didn't even bother looking at her, she just buried her head even harder in Charles' stomach. He shook his head and then put his hands on her shoulders to gently prise her away from him.

"Millie ... come on Button, you heard Mummy … now just do it … there's a good girl … I don't want to have to get cross … "

"But Daddy …"

"No buts … just do as Mummy says and say you're sorry and then please go and let poor Patches out … I can hear him crying ..."

"Sorry …"

There was no possible way Penny or anyone else could have mistaken the sullen mutter for anything that was in any way genuine, there wasn't a hint of sincerity about it. By rights they both knew she should be made to say it again, properly this time., so it would sound as if she meant it, but Charles and Molly exchanged a quick glance of tacit agreement that it would do. She hadn't dug her heels in or thrown a massive full-blown strop on the floor or said anything dreadful, and had even, by some miracle, done as she was told, after a fashion. She'd now gone flouncing off with such an indignantly hard done by expression on her face that Charles couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped. He knew his mother wouldn't think it was funny, and that Molly probably wouldn't either, and they'd both be right, but Millie was such a consummate actress that he couldn't help being amused. Patches had been getting increasingly frantic that he could hear them but not get to them and had been barking and whining and throwing himself against the door of wherever he was shut in. A noise that stopped abruptly the instant Millie got to whichever room she'd shut him in, neither Charles nor Molly doubted for a second that she was the one who had locked him in away from Penny.

"I'll go and get Marcus in a second and take her with me if you like …" Molly shot him a glance of gratitude, they both knew Penny wouldn't hang around if he wasn't there. She would go as soon as he did.

"You gonna take that one 'n all?"

"Yep … will if you want me to … but I think she needs changing first … she bloody stinks … do you want me to do it?"

"Nah ta, you're alright … give her 'ere" Molly was trying to signal to him with raised eyebrows that he had better not even think of buggering off and leaving her to talk to his flaming mother. She'd rather change a shitty bum any day than talk to Penny, he was not escaping that easy.

She sensed rather than saw Penny bristle at the idea of Charles changing nappies, and was tempted to say that she'd changed her mind and that he could see to Livvie after all, but was suddenly overtaken by this huge temptation to give in and giggle. Somehow the fact that this was a good day had got forgotten in all the coming home to Penny's sour gob and pursed lip disapproval and all the shit with the girls.

"Don't get too excited at the 'Dadda' thing, she says it to everyone … she's too little to understand… said it to the postman yesterday …" She hadn't, but Molly was still giggling.

"Lovely … I'll bet he was happy about that" He smirked and shook his head before roaring with laughter as Livvie began chanting "Dadadadad" again.

"You were saying?"

-OG-

The racket in the kitchen was half way to deafening by the time Molly got back with Livvie clinging to her hip. Chloe still appeared to be in a strop and was yelling at no-one in particular that she couldn't be expected to do homework properly with all the noise and someone was going to have to write a note for her teacher. Patches was careering madly round and round the table with his claws skidding noisily on the tiled floor as Millie yelled his name and held her arms out at her sides playing at trying to head him off. For some reason known only to herself she'd decided that a pair of battered and tatty fairy wings and a plastic tiara were an essential for playing with the dog, as she changed tactics and started trying to catch him every time he swerved past her yipping his delight at being free and seeing everyone. Molly made a mental note to talk seriously to Millie about shutting the poor little sod in, or at least checking with her where the fuck she'd had him locked up. She just hoped there were no little accidents to clean because he couldn't get out, but decided it was probably best to wait till Penny had gone. It was obvious there'd been something other than the choice of after-school sweets that had set it all off and there was absolutely nothing to be gained by having a repeat performance.

Penny was still at the table with the cup of tea Molly had made her in front of her undrunk and getting cold as she busily chewed Charles' ear off about some community thing she was involved with. Or was running or something. It was some scheme to do with a Befriending the Elderly Programme or something like that, visiting lonely old people in their own homes and doing stuff for them, running errands and that. Probably knowing Penny, torturing them by insisting on going to see them and doing stuff for them whether they wanted her to or not. Molly could see it was probably a lovely idea in theory, but that it was probably absolute shit for the poor old buggers if all the _friends_ were like her. If they were lonely and getting on a bit she'd have thought they had enough to put up with without her coming round and interfering, bossing them about? She tried to imagine Nan being on the receiving end of a visit like that, and couldn't. She'd bloody well kill someone and end up in jail. Charles was sipping the coffee he'd made and appeared to be focussing every bit of his attention on every word his mum was saying, he had that look on his face and was nodding and smiling, hopefully in the right places, but as Molly watched him she could tell he was also doing everything he could not to catch her eye. He knew she'd start pulling faces, would try and make him laugh and he was having a hard enough job keeping a straight face as it was.

Suddenly as she watched him sitting there sipping his coffee and looking all interested in what she was saying, Molly was hit with the thought, or maybe it was a memory, of just how much she used to love watching him. When he closed his eyes and those dark eyelashes of his curled on the cheekbones she loved to trace with her fingertips, something she hadn't actually done for a bloody age like she hadn't run her fingers through his curls, something else she always used to love to do, especially when, like now, his hair needed a bit of a cut. Those beautiful dark curls that their kids had all got from him, Molly looked down at the baby on her hip and stroked Livvie's head, even she now had a full head of dark ringlets. The list was bloody endless, the way he'd run his tongue over his bottom lip when he was concentrating and how if he didn't shave twice a day he'd have dark stubble like he had right now and how it didn't matter even when it was the end of a really shit day like today had been or a long day at work, or even if he'd been out for a run, he always smelled the same. Of shower stuff and clean sweat and well, just of him. As she watched him, he glanced over and saw her looking and raked his teeth over his bottom lip, drawing it into his mouth before looking back at his mother. Just sometimes it seemed to Molly almost like he could read her mind. When she'd first started lusting after him in the FOB she could swear he'd got this sixth sense that told him she was looking at him, he always used to look up and catch her at it. Every time.

-OG-


	10. Chapter 10

_**A/N: Thank you to all the people who reviewed the last chapter and said such kind things, and I'm sorry for the delay in posting this update, but I have had another severe attack of Vertigo – don't ask, it is the pits – anyway now that I can almost see straight, I hope that you enjoy it and that finishing and publishing the next update will be plain sailing – fingers crossed **_

-OG-

"Come on then … chop, chop … Millie… lose the wings and get your shoes on if you're coming with me"

The brisk tone of his voice and the "_hurry the fuck up" _meant Molly was having to try hard not to giggle_, _it was so much his own inimitably polite way of telling the old cow that he'd had a bloody basinful of her new hobby of interfering in other peoples' lives. Despite her keep telling him it was strictly for their own bloody good. It seemed he'd decided it was time for the old witch to get on her broomstick and fuck right off, something which couldn't come quick enough for Molly. Apart from anything else she was sick to the bloody back teeth of waiting for the old bag to spill about what had gone on with Millie. It was like being on pins.

"And Mr Fuggley, Daddy? He wants to come wiv us as well"

Millie was waving the unlovely knitted object about a foot in front of his face with an unmistakeably hopeful expression plastered across hers. She obviously believed there was a good chance of him forgetting all about any rule that said the thing had to stay in the house, or was hoping he'd bend it if she did enough pleading. And to be fair she was right, it was something he badly wanted to do and would have done if it had been solely up to him, the beseeching 'please Daddy' look on her face was melting his heart, and the dark curls framing a wide-eyed look that was so thoroughly Molly meant he'd happily have given her anything she asked for. Anything except letting her take the fucking horrible thing out of the house again, doing that had already been the root cause of one drama which could well have ended up as an unthinkable fucking disaster. And apart from any other considerations, there was every chance Molly would kill him if he gave in and said yes.

"Nope … sorry … Mr Fuggley can wait here with Mummy … now lose the wings there's a good girl and come and say goodbye to your Gran … she's going home now to get Granddad his tea"

"Bye"

Her farewell was totally lacking in warmth, it was so distinctly bloody off-hand that Molly was suddenly very conscious that her feelings about Penny had somehow got themselves transmitted to the kids and made a little mental note about being a lot more careful in future. Penny was Charles' mum and she might be an old trout who would greatly benefit from Nan's rug treatment on a bridge over the M25, but he loved her. And it was one thing to heartily dislike the old cow herself but it was bloody wrong for the kids to pick up on it and join in with hating her. Molly had swallowed her pride once before when she'd been pregnant with Chloe, and had made allowances for the old cow and although that might very well be a long time now what she'd done once she could do again. If she tried. Very hard. But the perfunctory tone of Millie's farewell went unnoticed as Chloe rushed over and gave her grandmother a huge hug, one which was warmly reciprocated. One which Molly hoped would distract the old bag from Millie not being exactly devastated.

"Don't want to go wiv you … want to stay here"

Charles had been holding his mother's jacket out for her to slide her arms in the sleeves, but stopped and looked over at the decidedly mutinous expression on her face with eyebrows that shot up "Well … alright … if that's what you want…." The expression on his face was still shocked as he looked over at Molly and shook his head, it was unheard of for Millie to turn down a trip on her own with him, just the two of them "I won't be long, okay?"

"Okay … drive careful … and say thanks to Fi for me, will you? Tell her I'll give her a bell" That was the trouble when your kids went to someone else's house from school, it meant you had to do the same bloody thing, whether you wanted to or not. Millie was now leaning all her weight against Molly's legs and had her thumb firmly plugged in her mouth with Mr Fuggley pressed up against her cheek and Molly's heart sank like a stone. Okay, she wasn't at her very best today, but it had only just slowly dawned on her that Mille could be coming down with something, which was all she bloody needed. If one of them got something then they all would and it would sort of explain the sweets and not wanting to go out in the car with her dad. Shit, none of that was a bit like Millie.

"You okay mate?"

Millie nodded her head in a way that didn't reassure Molly one little bit especially as she kept her thumb in her mouth and just jerked her head away slightly when Molly wiped a hand over her forehead. But whatever it was that was wrong, at least she wasn't hot, although it was obvious there was something. It was just one bloody thing after the other.

"What shall we 'ave for tea, what would you like?"

"Pizza …" Millie answered immediately before stopping and thinking for a second "Wiv chips … and ice cream"

Molly felt a distinct pang of relief, okay whatever was wrong she obviously wasn't that poorly then.

"_Please_ … yeah if you want … so, did you 'ave a nice day at school?"

"No … it was poo … and … and … no-one telled me you wasn't coming, I looked for you everywhere Mummy and I couldn't find you, I fort you was lost … I needed to see you, needed to tell you something … I hate it there, not going to go anymore"

"Oh Mills … course you don't hate it, what about all your friends? And I'm sure I did tell you … " Molly saw Millie's bottom lip start to quiver slightly as she re-lived whatever had upset her but that she was also stubbornly determined not to cry which reminded Molly so much of herself as a little girl "Look … if you was worried or if you forgot or something, Chloe was there wasn't she? … you could of asked her … or your gran … but, listen to me, there's never no need to worry about me and your dad being lost … we'll never be lost" There was a prickling at the back of Molly's eyes "And your Gran was there waiting for you outside when you come out, wasn't she?"

"She doesn't like me; she only likes Chloe … and Sam …"

"Of course she likes you …" Molly could hear herself lying through her bloody teeth and hoped it didn't show, that Millie couldn't hear it in her voice. But she was a crap liar at the best of times and every word Millie had just said was bang on true, her grandmother didn't have any time for her, or for Marcus and she almost completely ignored Livvie even existed, the bloody woman played favourites all the fucking time "Was that why you didn't want the sweets? Or was it something else?"

"They was mean to me … I wanted to cry"

"Oh Millie … who was?"

"We had to take cakes for the party today Mummy… and you said you would … and … and then you forgot … and I wanted to see you"

"Oh SHIT … sorry Mills, I did, didn't I? … I forgot that was today"

"You said shit Mummy … and you're not allowed, that's a really bad word …"

"I know and you're right I shouldn't of … it's a really bad word …" Bugger, her head had been all over the shop, but that was no excuse, she'd totally forgotten she'd been going to get some plain cupcakes from Tesco and whack a bit of icing on them, call them homemade. _Shit_.

"But that was me, not you … why was they being mean to you?"

Even as she asked the question Molly knew perfectly well that she shouldn't, that kids didn't need much of a reason to be really horrible. Sometimes it was bloody hard to know what was best, to keep on talking about it when there was nothing she could do to make it any better, no magic wand handy, or whether Nan's _least said, soonest mended _sort of thing was better. Try to change the subject if she could. Talk about something else, except she hadn't got the faintest idea what.

"They said cos I never brought anything I wasn't allowed to eat any of the stuff the other mummies bought…"

"What? …Your _teacher_ said that?"

"Not her, no"

"Who was it? You tell me who it was and I'll find them and give them a good wallop "

There was an expression of such fury on Chloe's outraged little face that Molly was taken straight back to her own days of wading in both fists flying to fight her sisters' battles with any kid who was mean to one of them. It had always been "I can say what I bloody well like, she's my sister, but you can't"

"Nah, that's not the answer Clo … we can't go round walloping people, beating them up isn't right … even if you do think they've asked for it and … and even when you're looking out for your little sister …"

Molly crossed her fingers behind her back, she'd have beaten Sasha to a blood-soaked pulp on the floor if she'd been given half a bloody chance.

"Why not?"

"Don't be silly, you know why not … beating people up is not a good thing to do …we don't settle things with our fists" Oh god, what a bleeding hypocrite "Don't worry about it no more right now, Mills … I'll come in 'n talk to your teacher in the morning … and if anyone's mean to you again just go and find Chloe and she'll tell them to pack it in …"

Shit, that was probably the last thing she should have said. It was totally wrong because now she was bound to get a phone call from the school telling her that Chloe had made some bloody kid cry.

"No hitting anyone though Clo … come on then … who wants Pizza? 'ere by the way do we know where's Sam got to?"

"He went out …" Millie sounded supremely disinterested in Sam's whereabouts "Can we have chips wiv the Pizza Mummy?"

"_Please …_Yep … don't see why not … as long as you promise to eat all of it not just the chips"

"And ice cream?"

"As long as you eat your Pizza"

"But no bits Mummy" Millie always looked askance at any mushrooms or god forbid, bits of pineapple on her Pizza. She always picked them off one by one and then carefully arranged them neatly round the edge of her plate with all the concentration and attention to detail of a forensic scientist doing an examination "And no weeds neither, don't want weeds on mine"

"Of course not, madam … I'll make sure I tell the cook" Both girls giggled "No rocket leaves for Millie, thanks" Molly didn't mention the _bits,_ she was pretty bloody sure that all the Pizzas in the freezer had what Millie would call _bits _on them.

-OG-

"Yeah … but it was my bloody fault Charles … I should of made sure and that she knew what was 'appening … the thought of her coming out of school and being unhappy and wanting me and then not being able to find me, thinking I was lost…" The tears were prickling on the backs of her eyes again as she turned her head and willed them to go back where they were coming from before she propped herself up on her elbow to see if there were tissues on the bedside table. He tightened his arms round her "She said she didn't know it was her gran was picking her up … but I did tell her, I know I did … still … my fault I forgot all about the sodding tea party and them stupid bloody cupcakes"

"We did tell her so she'd obviously forgotten, and it was not your fault… you had a lot on your mind" He dropped a kiss on the top of her head "Anyway, I thought they called the food police if anyone tried to pollute the place by taking cake through the door"

"It's like everything else innit, it's okay when it suits them … think it was s'posed to be a treat for something or other, not sure what … not sure Millie would agree somehow … and whose fault was it then? I let her down … sometimes I feel like a bleeding crap mum" Molly gave a loud sniff, no tissues meant she was sniffing in an attempt to stave off a full-blown snot attack.

"Did you just wipe your nose on me?"

"Nah … alright, a bit …stop trying to make me laugh 'n please get me a tissue instead, I don't wanna laugh, I feel really bad … I bloody hate that she was looking for me and I wasn't there"

"Moll, listen to me, you can't always be there … and she's 6 years old for fuck sake … she'll get over it … she was fine at bedtime, all she was bothered about was whether I'd put the right amount of bubbles in her bath … you just watch, she'll have forgotten all about it a long time before you, so stop beating yourself up … tell you what, I'm more bloody annoyed that we're paying them a small fucking fortune and they couldn't even come up with a couple of _bloody_ cakes to make sure she wasn't upset … and what the fuck did they do about the other little sods bullying her, that's what I'd like to know?"

"I dunno … I didn't ask, but that's what she said … I'll find out tomorrow when I go in, I said I'd go and 'ave a word in the morning … tell 'er it was my fault, I was the one forgot …"

"Listen to me … It' . … okay? And no you don't have to go in … I will"

"Nah, you won't … I promised her and I don't need you to do it for me, okay? Anyway, you can't … you're taking Sam remember? And he can't be late … he's already a bag of bleeding nerves"

"There's plenty of time for me to go in and sort them out before we have to get going …"

"But there's no need is there? I can manage"

"I know you can, but … it's not for you … it's for me …"

"Really?"

"Yup"

"Well if you want" Molly still had the distinct feeling that he was lying, that it was more about him wanting to fly to her rescue and stop her getting upset than anything else but that he wasn't going to admit it, and it wasn't worth a row.

"Chloe wants to find them and beat them up"

"That's my girl …"

"Don't encourage 'er for fuck sake" Molly pulled a face "Can do without 'er bashing the living daylights out of some kid … and them ringing me … you know, maybe I should ring them 'n warn 'em … tell 'em to watch it, that bossman is on his way and he's on the bloody warpath …"

"Indeed … they need to buck their bloody ideas up"

"Did you talk to Lady Penelope?"

"What? After the day I've had?" There was a snort of laughter in his voice "Nope … decided I could leave that for another day, I mean there's no rush is there?"

"Coward …"

"Yup … listen, never mind about her, I've been thinking…" Molly giggled "What's so hilarious about that? There's nothing funny about it…"

"That's what you do when I say I been thinking … you always laugh like it's a big joke or something and then tell me I'm dangerous"

"Well … that's different … that's you and not me, isn't it?"

"What do you mean _that's different?_ Cheeky sod …"

"Nothing … I'm only teasing you …"

"You better had be, mate"

"So, are you going to listen to me or not?" He paused "Okay …how about … you give Jacs a shout and see if you can arrange a night out in town with your mates? It's been a very long time since you've seen any of them … and you could even stay overnight at your mums … what do you think?"

"Me … ? On me own … without you …?"

"Yup … of course without me … well … it wouldn't be the same if I tagged along, would it? Anyway, someone's got to stay here and look after the kids, haven't they?"

"What … you sayin' you're gonna do that on your own?"

"Yup …is there something wrong with that?" He huffed "Or I can always get mum to come and give me a hand if you don't trust me"

"Only if you want Millie and Patches to pack their bleeding bags and move out … and probably Marcus 'n all … course I trust you … or maybe I can ask Bashira to come and give you a hand … if you want, that is?"

"Nope … I can manage perfectly well"

"Alright keep your hair on, no need to get all narky … I was just trying to be helpful … I know you can manage …" She wasn't sure she was telling the truth; she'd never really given a minute's thought to Charles looking after them overnight, without her "I dunno … seems a long time since I … I think I might be getting a bit old, can't even remember last time I went somewhere where the music was so bleeding deafening that you had to shout in someone's ear if you wanted to talk to them and where other peoples' sweat dripped off the ceiling… and dodgy geezers kept on trying to flog you illegal shit … and then having to try really hard not to puke with the rest of the drunks on the night bus …"

"Sounds delightful … just as long as you remember that your evening will be a total wreck if you end up in A&E in some London hospital having your stomach pumped"

"Yes Mum … 'ere just out of interest, exactly how old do you think I am for fuck sake? 15?"

"I'm not sure I want to know what you got up to when you were 15"

"Not that"

"Very glad to hear it … and it's just as well you're not isn't it, when you've got your hands where they are … what exactly do you think you're doing?"

"You are getting a bit old if you've already forgot" Molly laughed as he put a hand down and trapped her fingers which had been very slowly making their way down his back until she was stroking his bum with little feather light touches. She knew exactly what effect she was having on him as he tightened his hand round hers and lifted it up to his lips "I thought we was having an early night tonight, thought that was what you said"

"Yep … I did say that, and yep, it is early and we are in bed … and now we are going to settle down and close our eyes and get some sleep"

"Are we?"

"Indeed"

"I'm not tired" Molly wriggled her fingers free of his and put her hand on his hip bone before stealthily sliding one fingertip towards the bulge that was turning the front of his boxers into a tent "I thought you meant …well that it was one of them euphemisms … 'n stop bleeding smirking, that's what it usually means innit?"

"Probably … Yep … alright I know … like I know you're going to stop doing that right now because you are going to go and see the doctor first, get his go ahead, remember? That's what we agreed, and until then we're waiting out …"

"But … I've changed me mind … she said there was nothing for me to worry about, didn't she? … And getting an appointment could take bloody days … they gotta get the stuff from whatsherface, and then it could be a week before they can fit me in … or could be even longer …"

"I know… And in the meantime you can stop what you're doing" He trapped her hand again "Molly … stop it, will you? I haven't changed my mind .. and I'm not a fucking saint …"

"Aren't you? Thought you were and that was a bit of a poor choice of words there Mr James … I thought you was s'posed to be the clever one with words, got certificates for it 'n everything …"

"I have …now stop taking the piss … time to close your eyes and settle down … and to stop trying to distract me …"

"Me?" Molly slid her leg over him and rubbed the inside of her thigh over his "I'm not doing anything"

"That really is not going to make any difference …"

"You sure about that?" Molly giggled "Anyway, don't know what you're talking about"

"No of course you don't …goodnight …"

"I'm already asleep"

-OG-

"I want proper bread … not that stuff…"

"Millie, just eat it, will you?"

Despite sleeping like the bloody dead she was still too tired to get into it with a bolshie 6 year old who was gunning for a fight, she only had enough energy to keep spooning Weetabix into Livvie's mouth which was opening and closing like a little bird. And doing her best not to let her get her hands in it so that she could spread it like cement over her hair and everything else. Even though they hadn't had sex, not proper sex, she was so bloody tired that she couldn't help wondering whether she was suffering from one of those sleep deficit things, maybe something else to ask the doctor if she had to go and see him anyhow.

She'd been harbouring a tiny little hope that Millie wouldn't notice that the bread Charles had bought at the garage shop was some sort of Granary, that in other words it had the dreaded bits in it.

"Put some jam on it or peanut butter … or you can have Weetabix"

"Want Coco-Pops"

"Well you can't 'ave any, there's none left … and you can't have Hob Nobs neither" Molly grabbed the packet of biscuits from Millie, it never ceased to amaze her that she would happily eat Hob Nobs without a single word about bits "Biscuits are not breakfast"

"Yes they are … I saw it on tele"

"Well … yeah … maybe … but them biscuits are not Hob Nobs are they? They're special ones for people who don't have time for breakfast so eat it on the train on the way to work … and anyway, we 'aven't got any, so you can' t have them neither, can you?"

"Daddy does that … goes to work on the train" Millie sat in silence obviously mulling over the options for getting her own way "If you went to the shops you could be nice and buy some for him so he wouldn't be hungry and then he'd have to share them, wouldn't he? He'd be being rude if he didn't"

"Get out of that …" For some reason Charles seemed to be finding her logic very funny.

"Stop it, that's not 'elping … just tell her to eat her flaming breakfast, will you? And stop bleeding laughing, it's not funny"

"It is … a bit" He made a huge effort to stop laughing "Mummy's right, it doesn't matter how clever you are you can't make your brain work on just a few biscuits, can you?"

"Mummy … MUMMY … listen to me, I'm trying to tell you something …"

"What?"

"Mrs Evans says we shouldn't say _what, _that we should say _pardon" _

"Sorry Marcus … and she's right … what is it?"

"Noah's mummy said I can have some of their chickens if you say I can … so can I?" There was this pleading note in his voice which Molly couldn't remember ever hearing before and which forced her to pay closer attention to what he was saying "She said they're rescued … and she let me feed them and everything and Noah's given them all names and she said when they get better they'll start laying eggs for his breakfast … so can I? Please …"

"Rescued chickens? Rescued from what?"

"Don't know … something to do with needing to have new batteries or something" Charles was having great difficulty smothering his laugh "What's funny Daddy?"

"Nothing … Did she perhaps say they were battery chickens?"

"That's what I said"

"I dunno Marcus …" Molly was desperate to draw his attention away from Charles who was quietly pissing himself "I don't know anything at all about looking after them and I'm not sure I got time … what's wrong with them anyway, did she say?"

"No … don't think so, just they don't lay eggs at the moment because they've pecked all their feathers out or they fell out or something so they're bald but she said they'll grow back when they haven't got mites anymore"

"Oh good … lovely …" For some reason Charles was still finding the whole thing hilarious, he was apparently in the mood to find everything funny, even the thought of a flock of bald chickens with some sort of _things _living on them that Fi was obviously desperate to palm off on them.

"They've got loads and loads of them … hundreds probably…"

"Oh, at the very least …"

"Shut up …" Molly shot a warning glance in Charles' direction "I'll talk to Noah's mummy ... alright? Find out what's what but I'm not promising …"

She didn't want to give him an outright refusal. Marcus very, very rarely asked for anything, not like the girls who were always badgering after something, but somehow the thought of having a garden full of bald chickens was giving her the willies. And how the fuck was she supposed to stop Patches chasing them or even worse eating the bloody things if he wanted? It was alright for Charles to be choking with laughter, it wouldn't be him standing out there in the rain trying to make sure nothing happened to Marcus' chickens would it? And all she knew about battery farms was seeing some programme on television about hundreds and hundreds of poor unhappy chickens living in these huge places, apart from that she had no idea. Except that they tasted good with stuffing and roast potatoes. Not that she was going to say anything like that to Marcus, not when he was probably already thinking up names.

-OG-


End file.
